James Mchaffie - Caffs (B)Log...

Cerro Torre in the morning light

    The final headwall pitch had been challenging, super exposed and at the end of a cold bivy and 2 days climbing in the cold. Seracs three times the size of Kilnsey hang off granite monoliths nearby. Myself and Tim look down at another team low down on the climb. The BD pro team had been forced to retreat off the first hard pitch, fiendishly strong as the leader was he was unable to pull his partner up, fond of waffles and dolce de leche his second had been risking breaking the belay anchors. We give them a wave and turn around to continue up the thankfully easy angled snow slope, still not too soft from the sun. As we top out....

   I wake up from the dream and look out of the plane again at the layer of clouds beneath, it had been getting thicker and thicker as we’d crossed the Atlantic and as we neared GB there were no gaps. This was appropriate as beneath those clouds lay bills, dampness and replays of some of the worst weather for decades. None of our objectives had been achieved, in fact we hadn’t even gained the base of any of them, but it had still ended up being a great trip. I looked back on a month in Patagonia with Tim Neill:

Day 1: Fly into El Calafate, a small airport in a fantastic situation on the edge of a glacial lake. A 3 hr minibus journey across flat plains tracking the edge of a huge lake brings the pointy granite peaks into view and the sudden contrast of plains into peaks gave a good insight of why this place holds a place in the heart of many people. We get dropped off in the town of El Chalten and head to the Aylen Aike Hostel ran by the gregarious Seba. Growing rapidly El Chalten was the name given to the higher peaks such as Fitzroy by some of the first inhabitants of the area.

   After a 30 minutes walk down the high street I looked in a mirror and my forehead appeared to have been microwaved. I forgot that although the Montreal Protocol was one of the most successful bits of international environmental legislation the hole in the ozone layer is very close. Some Patagonian regulars informed me it’s the easiest place to get burned, they lived in California.

Day 2: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....

Day 3: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....

   We have seen the first condors of the trip. In the middle of the day a huge horse gallops full speed down the El Chalten main street trailing 20 metres of rope, a few minutes later 2 dogs came running after it!

Day 4: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....

Day 5: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores, boulder and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....but there is a blip on the graphs and the talk moves to a ‘window’.

Day 6: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs...

a hive of activity begins, objectives are talked of, files sharpen axes and everybody makes ready for an exodus to the hills.

Day 7: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs...

People shop and pack. Josh Wharton and Brian leave us a gas canister. The world is a small place, Josh lives in Colorado but his grandad had helped set up the Ogwen Mountain rescue team back in North Wales.

Day 8: Getting my rucksack on in El Chalten I wonder if I can move the pig of a weight out of town, 8 hrs later having attached ourselves to Mikey Schaeffer and Co halfway along we enter our basecamp, Niponino. On the walk in Cerro Torre had popped out of the clouds, Hazel cleverly observes free climbing it at that moment would be tricky as it was plastered white. The landscape is incredible and it’s very hard to grasp the scale of all the granite faces, the seracs and overhanging snow mushrooms hanging off many of them.

Tim on Chiaro de Luna

Tim on top of Saint Exupery

Day 9: We wake at 1:00 with the intention of trying Exocet but the temps feel like a summer morning in Camp 4, Tim makes a great call of going back to bed and trying a rock objective. We get up at 5 and go for Chiaro de Luna on Saint Exupery. Although cold with often ice filled cracks it gave a great day out. Getting back to camp we encounter horror stories from people who had attempted Exocet, the best being Marc Leclercs and Jason Kruk who had to wait under a boulder for 8 hrs for the bombardments to stop so they could abseil off.

Day 10: Set off on Yellow Grey Arrow/new route and decide we’re 5 hrs too late. Abseil off and do Rubio Azul which gives a great view of the Cerro Torre summit headwall, from close up it appeared quite featured. The sun had melted the snow off the headwall and I grew more optimistic about getting on it. As we abseil off the weather craps out. We camp and get no sleep, listening to the wind ‘charging’ in the glacier before battering down the valley sweeping the rain into our tent. We walk out early back to the great food in El Chalten. Our stash was where we wanted it and all we had to do was wait....

Day 11: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....
Team Epic TV (being Jack Geldard, Rob Greenwood and Matt Pycroft) had an eventful window helping with the rescue of 2 climbers who had taken a bad fall off the Supercanaleta. It took all night and at the end of the rescue Jack gained some sage advice from a man also on the rescue:

“First time in Patagonia? Let this be a lesson to you on self reliance”

Jack took the advice literally and was hardly seen outside of the kitchen for the duration of the holiday, his baking was 2nd to none.

Days 12-20: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing.....

This is the easiest place to hitch I’ve been, people and families go out of their way to make space for hitchers, very welcoming. Jack, Rob and Matts time has come to an end. The film in production for Epic TV should be watched by anyone thinking of eating out in El Chalten as they visited every restaurant and cafe on their trip. Myself, Tim and Hazel may have put up a new 4 pitch route on a nearby cliff, unfortunately its not worth giving a name to.

Days 20-21: Another window appears and myself and Tim enthusiastically walk through the rain to get to Niponino on New Years Eve to try a new route on El Mocho on New Years Day. A lone fox is one of the few other inhabitants of Niponino. It snows during the night and combined with spindrift and cold weather we end up walking back out disgruntled and wondering if we were being men of low moral fibre. Maybe it was bad karma for putting an equivalent of 3 tonnes of CO2 each into the atmosphere with our huge flight? Other teams head in as we leave, carrying axes, Mikey Schaefer and the Kauffman brothers succeed on an excellent new route the Super Domo on Domo Blanco.

The best pizzas in the world at the Chocolateria

Days 21-26: The wind blows, the climbers eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana is playing....

Dave Macleod, Calum, Ally Swinton and Ben Winston arrive. It’s good to have renewed energy bumped into our trip, we’ve climbed almost every day but the sports venues are by no means similar to Ceuse and we were feeling the lows of the meteographs, accentuated by Tim reading Birdsong and me reading a very good but slightly bleak post apocalyptic book.

Dave looked exceedingly strong doing a font 8b in 2/3 sessions and I hoped Calum had not left his jumars back with his statics on the torres. The rarity value of getting up any of the bigger climbs in Patagonia certainly adds to the flavour much like the rarely in condition Welsh winter climbs.

Days 27-30: Our final window. Short and cold we were aiming to repeat Super Domo.

The Fitzroy range on our walk in

Tim on the first of the 3 brilliant final ice pitches with Rolando Garibotti going up the top pitch in the distance

Tim had his 70th birthday as we climbed, looking up the final ice pitches

We set off at 2.30 and with 1 team ahead and 2 teams behind we walk in via a cloudless morning and great views of the Fitzroy range. The first part of the climb had some great easier ice pitches, the middle had a techy mixed pitch which Tim dealt with smoothly and the final 3 ice pitches looked superb. Owen the ozzie and Mike from Colorado were hot on our heels and Pete Graham and Ben Sylvester right behind them. As Tim climbed the 1st of the top ice pitches I watched Rolando Garibotti climbing the final, crux and intimidating top pitch managing not to send down any ice onto us by hooking it. As I seconded this last ice pitch I noticed a good 6 inches of slack between me and Tim and I shouted to let him know.

Tim traversing out on the final pitch with an annoying converter insignia in the middle

The CAC calender on top of Domo Blanco with Fitzroy behind

We were lucky to top out on Domo Blanco with a view across the Patagonian ice cap (something I felt we’d missed out on), to our original objective Cerro Torre and back towards Fitzroy. This ascent made the trip for the both of us. The line of Supercanaleta particularly stuck out, being a huge corner with an ice streak in the back splitting the huge peak. It’s the best mixed/alpine style line I’ve seen and having been wondering what brought people back for a 2nd holiday it suddenly became clear, it was certainly the best winter line I’d seen.

Above: Some footage of the area whilst abseiling off Domo Blanco

   The walk out the following day we retrieved all of our kit and although we had heavy bags the walk back to El Chalten felt considerably easier than on the ‘empty bagged and handed’ New Years day walk out.

Days 31-2: Last 2 days involved being knackered from the walk out and pizza+alfajores from the chocolateria and feeling the weight of the good food whilst trying to boulder. Ed Brown and Paul Reeve arrive to bolster the Brit contingent. Colin Haley told the best 4 jokes I’ve ever heard and gained huge respect points but then lost them all by mentioning how he liked the band the Streets. We met the person named the ‘Troutman’ who managed to maintain a conversation on fish migrations for 40 minutes+. It was time to leave.

The final morning our friends, Seth, Neale, Zach, Lowri and Ryan helped me and Tim to get our stuff to the minibus and we said our goodbyes to them and Seba, the owner of the finest hostel in the world. We were sad to leave but knew that....

.. the wind would blow, the climbers would eat empanadas, alfajores and watch the meteographs, in Aylen Aike Hostel Nirvana would always be playing....

Big thanks to Tim, Calum, the BMC....
& to Glyn & Scarpa, Dan Thompson & Rab, DMM, Sterling and the Chocolateria for goodies.

Zach, Neale and Seth the Alaskan checking the meteographs in Aylen Aike Hostel

The Dinorwic slate quarries are an impressive and atmospheric place to climb having some of the finest pitches around and also offering some of the best views of Llanberis, the Pass and Crib Goch. In its hayday it employed about 3000 people directly and shut down in 1969 when the first recorded rock climbs were put up such as Opening Bid (71) and Gideon although the quarryman undoubtedly did some of the faces before climbers arrived. Drying in minutes it is possible to hide in one of the blast shelters waiting for the showers to stop before setting off and can be climbed on throughout the year. Meaning 'to split' slate has some of the sharpest edges found on any rock with rockovers and mantelshelves involving getting your feet by your head being common, as are doing these moves a long way above any protection. Some of the huge pits are named after where the slate was shipped out to, Australia and California, Vivian after an quarry manager and Twll Mawr immortalised in the Stone Monkey video means big hole in Welsh.
These finest pitches include routes such as: Seams the Same, Comes the Dervish, Ride the Wild Surf, Pull my Daisy, Central Sadness, Slipstream, The Rainbow of Recalcitrance, Naked before the Beast. Equally as good are the Lakeland equivalents found in Hodge Close Quarry: Malice in Wonderland, Ten Years After, Wicked Willie, Limited Edition, First Night Nerves, Stage Fright are all some of the best slab pitches to be found south of Scotland. I know them to be some of the finest pitches as on a great trip to Wales in 1999 with Colin Downer and Wez Hunter we did a spectrum of classics includingThe Cad, the Moon, Sexual Salami, Cardiac Arete, Lord of the Flies, Edge of Time, Weasels. One that stood out for quality on this week was Central Sadness in California, found through 2 tunnels it takes the centre of an impressive face and had 2 paintings on the scree opposite which were highlighted against the greyness. A serious first pitch leads to a stunning well protected crack on the 2nd.

      In 2007 I was swinging around on an Dawes project called the Meltdown, getting nowhere I was a little embarrassed when Joe Brown appeared on the sidelines. He told me he never did a move he didn't think he could downclimb. I found this pretty amazing as having done many of his climbs I knew they were hard enough to get up the moves let alone downclimb. I'd got into climbing with a story my dad used to tell in his talks he gave at the Moot Hall in Keswick every week with myself pressing the projector button for him. I presume it was the 1970s:
Dad was at Shepherds crag and a guy comes up to him and says:
Guy: "Do you fancy doing something hard?"
Dad: who is this guy? "why not"
Dad was belayed a pitch up and the guy was leading the 2nd pitch and says:
Guy:"Is it alright if I fall off"
Dad"Pardon"
Guy:urgently "Is it alright if I fall off"
Guy falls 30 feet gets back up to dad and says
Guy: "I dont mind falling off"
Guy gets back on and does the climb.

A week later a man with long hair went up to dad in a pub and says:
Long hair: "Eye eye, I hear you been climbing with Douggie"
Dad: "He fell 30 feet"
Long Hair " Douggie Hall, he's one of the best climbers in Britain, he falls off every week".
I think its fair to say he didnt fall off very often in the following years but the idea of falling off being often ok with modern protection helped drive things in the following decade, the slate climbing Golden Years.

   In the 1980s climbing in the Slate quarries really took off, with a strong ethic on making extremely serious climbs it appeared to be a competition on who could climb the hardest whilst placing the least protection. The runouts and falls which have occurred on slate are legendary. The majority of routes on the Rainbow Slab will have seen at least falls of 40-60 feet, arse grinders. Dawes came off Paul Pritchards route 'A Cure for a Sick Mind' trying to jump clip a bolt from standing on the Rainbow and missed hitting the ground on rope stretch. Pete Whillance took a 100 ft fall off Life in the Fast Lane. Redhead fell off Dawes of Perception and his partner Towse had to jump into the Vivian Pool to save Johns life although he did break his thumb. Lucky falls aside it's a place for a balanced approach as at least 1 person has died on a route on the Rainbow slab.
   I've enjoyed hanging out in the quarries probably more than on any other rock over the years and even enjoyed getting a schooling off Will Perrin, Hock or Pete and having to call in all friends at various periods for belay stints on Bungles or Meltdown. Climbing on it is primarily about confidence, flexiblity and crimping.

The fantastic Rainbow Slab

A great new guidebook, not sure about the cover

   The hardest and most serious trad routes climbed on slate are still appropriatley remnants from the 1980s. Raped by Affection, A Cure for a Sick Mind and probably the hardest and still unrepeated Couer de Lion involving runout F8a climbing (body sideways style stuff) and a knarly E7 just to get to the first protection. If anybody is so inclined more serious routes could be 'made' but the 90s and 00s resonated a less minimalistic bolting stance and I'll hold my hand up to lacing mine.
In 1990 the quarries got given there 2 hardest sport pitches, Bungles Arete courtesy of Sean Myles and The Very Big and the Very Small from Dawes which gave Britain its technically hardest slab pitch. The holds are small enough that most people can have a maximum of 3 goes before exploding at least 1 fingertip. It's a climb which many very good climbers have done with 1 rest but dispensing with the rest is tricky. Steve Mcclure repeated it in 1998 and after a particularly turd morning I managed it in 2005 with Pete Robins doing a tall mans version in 2010.
   The hardest sport routes in the quarries are remarkably varied: Bobbys Groove, Cwms the Dogfish, Medium, Concorde Dawn, New Slatesman, Manic Strain, Serpent Vein, Meltdown, Misogynists Discharge, Sauron, Untouchables, Darkhalf, Wall Within, Wish You Were here, Tambourine Man, The Very Big and the Very Small.
Walls, grooves, aretes, corners, slabs, overhangs. A climb to suit most peoples tastes with each offering high quality interesting climbing in very atmospheric areas and with plenty of projects left to go.
   With the new slate guide and Dawes autobiography pointing towards the Meltdown I was glad to get it done before someone else with a similar boredom threshold to myself. I was actually thinking of putting a halfway lower off which is a 3 star 7c and if anyone can be arsed go for it. To get to 3/4 hieght is superb 8b+ a bit harder than VBVS which leads to a sting move mantel into a hard traverse. It's tricky to grade and my friend Pete Robins who has recently replaced the bolts suggested it could be 9a many years ago but since its ascent he's more reticent. It would be good for it to get some attention as it has some fabulous climbing on it and is the most chuffed I've been at getting up a climb.
   The quarries currently have routes which cater across the spectrum from the timid climber to the adventurer. They are always a place to be on guard in as although the Welsh slate was regarded as high quality it's not like climbing on granite and the bolts which protect some of the climbs may have been placed by people who didn't know anything about it! If you get bored of the limestone, dont feel too fit or are watching the showers pass through the slate should be a port of call.

Adam Hocking trying for the 3rd ascent of The Very Big and the Very Small

Pete Robins, a New Slatesman!

Salathe Wall & El Niño

‘The Salathe Wall is El Caps most natural line and possibly as Royal Robbins dubbed it “The greatest rock climb in the world”.

The trip to the valley had come around quickly. I’d contemplated not going as I felt I should be working rather than gallivanting across the Atlantic but Dan McManus’ enthusiasm had won. The last time we were together in Yosemite we were lost in the dark on the top of Golden Gate, bone weary and on a timer to get to the top before the rain came in. Having just got down off Muir wall 2 days previously a 1 day effort to do Golden Gate was unwise but having seen an inspiring talk by Glen Denny about climbing in the 60s before heading out I was after an adventure and so was Dan

We went with large but flexible ambitions; to try and free an aid climb on the left side of el cap, complete Golden Gate in a day, possibly do another big free climb and if there was time at the end a solo of Astroman. Lucky the word flexible is in there as we didn’t do any of them!

The view from 1st entering the valley and Dan in his wife-beater vest

We arrived in the valley on the 4th of May and between the Ferraris I spotted a homeless person being arrested. Having escaped San Francisco I presume she didn’t have a permit for dossing. I’m keen on conservation myself but believe that if John Muir was around nowadays he’d be booted out of the valley at gunpoint by a lobotomised ranger.

The new free route was meant to be up Never Never Land and I’m convinced you can pick a good free line in from Dihedral Wall or the left but the main slab will await a visit from Ondra. It wasn’t for us.

The Salathe headwall crack is something which has inspired me for years in both pictures and stories so with Dan psyched we diverted attention to this.

Haulbags were packed and having hauled them beyond Heart ledges we wanted to get them to Hollow Flake before coming down and climbing to rejoin them. Just before Hollow Flake it hailed lightly and I idly wondered if I could do the HF when wet and confidently told myself ‘no problem’. About 10 metres from the top of HF the hail came down properly. I watched it pile up on my shoulders and tried not to move my left foot to keep a foothold dry. Dan having been in South East Asia believed he was in the Arctic and had disappeared to dig out a jacket from the bags. An undignified slither down eventually followed and we left the bags there.

Hazel handstanding the El Cap Spire

We set off at 5.00am, 3 hours later than we wanted due to some overnight rain. Dan had put himself forward for the monster OW, a British E6 and one of the final pitches of the day. He led it brilliantly and we arrived at the alcove quite battered from hauling and climbing. We ate little.

Day 2 was a success in every way. We did a long pitch off the spire to arrive at the Boulder problem pitch. At the top of an awkward corner I got spat off and in flight a voice came up:

“Caff, your going the wrong way”

James Lucas, Hazel’s American partner had arrived on the fixed lines. I’d been interrogating people on these about the demise of ethics in Yosemite but was glad James had come up to offer good advice. Anyone willing to put fixed lines down the whole of El Caps most popular free route was obviously unhinged and it was a problem for psychiatrists rather than ourselves.

We both flashed the techy boulder problem and headed down to rest for the day on the spire whence Hazel and Walker had arrived. Hazel managed a handstand on the Spire and numerous card games were had. She mentioned that she had a sore shoulder.

Long Ledge, our home

The 3rd day I knew would be hard and it was, involving numerous hanging stances, hard pitches and hauling our heavy pigs. I seconded Dan over the ridiculously exposed roof to arrive at the headwall about 16.00 ish. I felt battered but still thought I had a chance of flashing high up on the pitch having not fallen on the route up to here. However, 3 to 4 meters up I hit the inside of the egg shell boulder moves and instantly slumped off, a mixture of freeing, dogging and backstripping eventually led to the ‘in space’ belay where Dan led through to arrive at long ledge in the dusk. Once again battered, we ate little.

The next day was more like it. We woke to great views level with snow on the plains above the valley on the opposite side and went about making long ledge home. We went down for a look at the headwall pitch which thankfully wasn’t as bad as it felt the night before but was still an endurance heart-breaker of a pitch, especially when cooked from climbing for a few days. The final 2/3 metres of the 50m crack pitch which lead to a weird leg in hole hands off and the belay supply the crux, giving 2 to 3 6c moves on thin slippery 2 finger locks. There is a good shakeout at 10meters and a poor one at 38m. To do the Groove or GBH at Malham should they have good pro would be a considerably easier affair and the grade the headwall gets should be taken as meaningless to any European. Its exposed enough that a toilet stop is an essentail prerequisate before going near it and a defib may be of assistance.

Dan on the headwall crack

First attempt on the headwall pitch

  Having an afternoon tea we look up to see a blonde lady abseiling down to our ledge...it was Hazel. Although Dan was a very modest man even he could see that this wasn’t the first time Hazel had feigned an interest in climbing to come and hangout in our company. We told her she wasn’t the first young lady to come down and she’d better have some gifts, luckily she brought both wine and cupcakes. She mentioned that she had a sore shoulder.

   Day 5 is time to try the pitch in earnest. At 43 metres I gained the better jams where a rested climber can get some small recovery before the final crux. I was not a rested climber and got spat off. I was a little bit embarrassed about running out of juice so quickly, with Hazel watching from above. I thought I’d last a little longer 2nd time round with the increased experience but no, I ran out of beans even sooner! A rest day was in order.

Day 6 Dan did an ace lead on the boulder top bit of the crack, doing it first go, 12c/d leads to a weird small cave and a boulder problem just above. Lots of cards and tea were had. At night when inevitably all fears and doubts come to call I worried about the final 10 metres of the crack knowing 1 rest day was not going to get my body up to full speed with various days and years of abuse flashing to mind.

Day 7 arrived and after a quick warm up we ab in to the stance at the base. The jump left out of the eggshell to gain a good crack goes well. The shakeout at 38 meters gets used for 5 mins trying to get rid of the sickly feeling of pressing on up the very aerobic crack above. Getting past my highpoint I’m relieved to get some recovery on the better jams. The final move involved a very non text book move using a right outside edge (retains much more lateral stability and edge) on a nubbin and pirouetting round to grab the jug. I was a little nervous about falling outward facing the exposure if I fluffed this move. It felt surprising to gain the rest. It would have been nice to link the next bit as well but would certainly have required another rest day (A honn said it wasn’t much harder). Dan came up and after I’d sorted out the next bit of the crack we had a brew and made ready for departure from long ledge. A fantastic 12a led leftwards off the ledge, like a very exposed Pembroke E5 and some easier pitches led to the top where we saw a hummingbird. After a crippling walk down we gained the pizza and beers in curry village.

The celebrations peaked one Saturday night in camp 4 where various opinions were set forward around a camp fire, I can’t remember where they came from but there were a few interesting ones:

>It was said that many conservatives and republicans should do community service for their injust and greedy policies.

>The Norwegians around the fire were shown to be from the most equitable society.

>People who quote Larkin were known to require sectioning, this came from numerous sources.

>The radio was being murdered from insincere love songs by naff boy bands

>Tax people had the least honourable profession, like the opposite of Robin Hood.

>Many great climbers can get booted from boot companies nowadays even though they’ll have made boot companies 1000s in marketing value shown widely on the hardest climbs round. They haven’t clocked up enough air time via social media sites shouting about how great they are! Its about the selfie not the send Ry.

>Investment should be made into exploring the final frontiers now so we can ship Farrage and his voters to another planet.

>It was recognised that miracles do occur, shown by not only Pete Robins but also Jordan Base gaining a driving license

   When the celebrations finished and we could see again we looked up to the Cap wondering what to try next. Dan was keen for a look at El Nino having had enough of cracks. I was interested to find out just how impressive Leo and Patches ascent was back in 1998.

The legends Tobias Wolf & Thomas Hering, bearers of extraordinary beta and beer

The most driven climber I’ve met Tobias Wolf and his ace friend Thomas Hering had just done it and supplied us with some very detailed information. They knew how much energy was required to carry an extra kg on the face and made our organisation seem farcical by comparison and we were certainly haemorrhaging a lot more cash.

The first pitch, The Black Dyke had a reputation as being the hardest pitch and the next 2 were also meant to be runout 7c+/8a. The reputation is well deserved. The Black Dyke is E66b/c to the 2nd bolt where committing moves lead to the crux of the pitch where the unlucky can sample a minimum fallout of 10m, Dan thought this pitch harder than Slab and Crack at Curbar. The 2nd pitch has a 10m runout after the crux and would be E6. The 3rd pitch, the Galapagus has a massive 5c/6a rockover where you’d fall forever before sustained 6b/c with a few sections that look impossible until the very last minute/second! A bust finger combined with sun/tiredness blew our first go up but the 2nd found McManus on blistering form, sending the Black Dyke, Missing Link and flashing the Galapagus on 2nd.

Dan about to go up the Missing Link pitch with the amazing line of the Black Dyke veering down to the left

Jill Byron had left some water nearby for NAW but had had to leave the valley. Jane Gallwey let me and Dan have the water and some other supplies which were priceless.

After a bit of plotting we set off and climbed and hauled up to the naff bivvy, the Big Sur, we went ledgeless to save on weight. That afternoon we set off on the hard 2 pitches beyond. The Final move of the M&M flake involved a leap for a jug. Apparently unexpected wins can accrue 4 times more excitement than those you expect, hence gambling addiction. This was how the move felt.

Dan made an impressive flash of the Royal Arch, a bouldery pitch which I managed after some time with a tip ready to explode. A grim bivvy on a sloping shelf led to day 2 after little sleep.

The Enduro corner felt about E6 and the next 12cs only E5s which led us to the Rotten Island and the great roof above. Dan sorted out the mass of shit gear in the roof and checked the moves and I blew the flash at the lip with a mix of fear, tiredness and shit sequences coming into play. Dan sent it first lead and I was happy to 2nd it clean. We were chuffed to get this forbidding pitch out of the way.

The winning bingo feeling having latched the M&M flake

Dan about to do ridiculous feet first moves on the black roof, top tip is don't do it his way

  An E4 and stunning E6 led to our final bivvy.

    Becoming irritable is a hazard of big walling. The rope fankles, the stuck haulpigs, the sun and the climb itself can make it feel that all is conspiring against you. Dan had certainly had the best bivvy spot on the Big Sur but hadn’t stopped moaning about it all day and I was worried about where Dan’s breaking point might be. I was feeling pretty confident that if it came to fisty-cuffs to get the best bit of the ledge I’d be ok, I’d watched Kill Bill and Crouching Tiger on the flight over besides which although Dans tall he has a vegan look about him. Luckily the cards settled things.

   The day after things started well. Dan did really good leads on a techy 7b+ and the intimidating Dolphin (E5/6) roof/chimney. The Lucy is a Labrador was our last hard pitch and all that was stopping us from a clean ascent. The problem with hard pitches high up is that every morning big wall free climbing you wake up feeling bolloxed and with skin which feels that it's suffering from a nuclear disaster. The bugger bugger of a pitch was wet. After more than an hour of stressful drying, working and cursing I managed to spoon my way through it and Dan had a similar affair, narrowly missing out on a flash. It would have been pretty devastating to fail at the last hurdle and it made for a stressful 2 hours.

Dan wrapping himself and the ropes in knots on the Dolphin pitch, high on El Nino

The final few pitches were stunning, easy but runout on good rock. The igloo bivvy appeared to be the best on El Cap although it can’t be as good as it looks in heavy storms as it’s where Drummond got swamped when Harding came to his rescue.

We got to the summit and shook hands. It was a fantastic climb. I wondered about the teenaged excitement of Leo and Patch back in 1998 over having the route with very few falls. It stands out to me as possibly the best effort on rock by Brits abroad for a number of reasons with the tough onsighted pitch of the Prophet up there. They would have been on blistering form and have had a fair wind behind them to do it so well. It also has a very intimidating atmosphere from the Big Sur onwards with reasonably technical hauling involved.

Seflies on the top, a modern essential

Tobias and Thomas had been waiting for us with beers at the base the night we bivvied and we hung out with them when we got down and had a pancake morning. Their help, knowledge and encouragement was instrumental to our ascent and I was able forgive them for being kayakers and just hope Tobias brings out a book on big walling.

Our timing back in the valley couldn’t have been better with a spring party going off in Foresta. We managed to secure an invite.

The next morning I woke up feeling a million pounds. I’d not soloed Astroman which I’d been thinking about for months but we’d done a hell of a lot of great pitches. With the normal scepticism gone I bounced out of the tent to admire the Vista and looked back curiously at what I’d trodden in. It took me a moment to recognise it and although a bit grim I couldn’t resist an evil smug smile....Dan wasn’t going to enjoy the drive back to San Francisco. A great trip.

There are thanks for many people on this trip:

Dan: obviously for being such a good egg and giving great chess games.

Tobias and Thomas for being ace

Jane Gallwey and Jill for supplies & Steve for the whisky

Mike Kershner for dosses in the Pines

James Lucas for beta and having a sense of humour

Dave Gladwin and Kiwi Mick for dosses in camp4

Sterling rope for shipping us out a rope for hauling

Andy Kirkpatrick for a morning of comedy

Hazel for the wine, cupcake, tips on cultural language differences and lack of literacy.

Dan, Bron, Jane and Jacob at the brilliant spring festival party

In 2003 I was living in Wales but all I could think about was this project in the Lakes. The idea was to climb as many great Lakeland routes as possible in a day. I’d thought about it since 1999, inspired by Big Ron’s circuit in the Peak but it took a few years to take root and develop, with lists I’d make getting tricky beyond 80 routes. There was also a distinct lack of strategy in the planning, with me thinking to set off and finish on Esk Buttress taking in whichever routes I’d please along the way, the route I was going to finish on if I had the steam won’t be mention. I’ve always had a rough guesstimate of how difficult I’d find the task depending on the routes taken in. I thought I could do about half any day of the week, to do ¾ I’d have to be going well and to do the lot I’d need a fair wind behind me. This was surprisingly accurate.

A week or so before I was going to make my first attempt on an overly ambitious list of routes I set off on a route called Exponential Exhaustion at Kilnsey. I got passed a technical wall to better flat holds but these were dusty and a minute of flapping found me in mid air. The thread which appeared good exploded when I came onto it and the rock hit me in my ear with some speed. I arrived near the base and Rob Fielding lowered me the rest of the way. He turned away in disgust which made me worry at first that my ear was hanging off but it was only a small hole in my ear. A trip to A&E left me with stitches, a compression strap on my head to prevent Cauliflower ear and slightly dodgy balance for a week or so. It’s still the worst fall I’ve taken and could have been much worse as just before I was going to go for the thread I uncovered a key wire hidden by some vegetation which is what stopped me. I was a little superstitious at the time and took it as a sign not to attempt the solos. This was a good thing as I doubt I would have got close back then, confidence can only get you so far. It never came together again but was always in the back of my mind as; a would have, could have, should have......

Top of llech Ddu looking towards the Menai Straits, Herford climbed in the region roughly 100 yrs ago.

A decade later the scheme came to mind again, more as a curiosity at first, looking at lists, thinking about possible routes and cliffs you could visit. The last few years I’ve done about 0.1% of the soloing I used to do and in the spring 2014 I began to get reacquainted, re-climbing routes like Fingerlicker, Silly Arete, doing 10+ routes at Gogarth in an afternoon and running into the Carneddau for routes like the Grooves on Llech Ddu. It did feel harder. Routes that had felt akin to paths a decade ago felt like they were a much bigger deal.

When I set my full first list out in March or so I felt a pang of despair. It was considerably watered down than a decade before but still looked ridiculous on paper. I started to work out realistic timings and these made it worse, maybe people were correct about it being a mad idea. It took me back to the book ‘The Life of Pi’ when Pi s dad tells him the story of a karate expert thinking he can fight a Tiger to put him off going near the dangerous animals in the zoo. I was concerned I was being as deluded as the karate expert who obviously gets killed rapidly in the story.

First watered down list, 90 % of it stayed the same but needed to rearrange a few

Pat & Craig

   I’d not booked any work in for the last 2 weeks of June, hoping to get some good weather during the longest days of the year and looking forward to hanging out in the Lakes, visiting family nearby. It turned out to be one of the luckiest of weeks, the ‘stars truly aligned’ for it. I worked on an ML assessment on the weekend of the 14th of June and on the afternoon of the 2nd day where my lower body normally feels like it has been done over in an American prison instead they felt fresh, the hauling and climbing in Yosemite had delivered a good fitness base.

   On the Tuesday of that week I arrived in the Lakes feeling a little rough but with fantastic weather and an ace forecast. I headed straight to Goats crag, a tiny crag beyond Reecastle which I’d not been to before. The views back towards Scafell and Greatend were incredible and I did everything on the cliff before heading to the big Goat crag to go up Preying Mantis and stash an ab rope on top. Heading down I did a couple of E2s I’d not done and arriving at a tiny esoteric cliff in the woods named Macs wall was blown away to meet other climbers. Pat and Craig from Carlisle who had known dad. We headed over to check out Millican Daltons buttress which was unfortunately filthy although I did Cold Lazarus for old times sake, this small buttress was removed from my list.

   The Wednesday was the key reccy day I’d decided upon, the make or break day, leaving Stonethwaite campsite I was going to run up Langstrath to Flat Crags and work my way back to my car. If I choked or was crawling off the hill the idea was a dud and I felt a little bit anxious about finding out just how pie in the sky the idea was.

   I did a load of routes I’d not done before loving Neckband, after 2 cans of coke in the ODG I payed for it with a headache as I topped out on Gimme. On the run between Pavey and Sergeant Crag Slabs I saw 2 red deer enjoying the solitude of the fell top apart from myself. I got down to my car feeling like I’d had one of my best days out climbing. I knew I could do a lot more, having done a lot more running to access Flat crags than I’d be doing when starting from Scafell. The game was on.

A view from above Heron down Borrowdale on the main reccy

I worked at Eden rock the day after and gave a talk there in the evening. Julian a friend I’d not seen in over a decade came and mentioned it was his 50th on the weekend and he was keen to climb on Bleak How and heron. I couldn’t believe my luck and gave him my rope to use and dump there saving me a walk. Julian is married to my favourite ever teacher Liz who apart from teaching me lots interesting geography gave me some of the best advice as a teen, don’t get in a car with a drunk friend driving.

   Friday morning arrived and I did 6 routes on Grange crags finding more of them in a climbable state than I expected although with agricultural finishes. Later that morning I head up to Reecastle with Ben Pritchard and Rich Heap to get some footage for the BMC. Rich asks if I’ll get lonely. I thought it very strange as I’m happy walking alone in the lakes and am doubly happy climbing alone there. Many of the climbs are like meeting old friends or flicking through an old diary.

   The weekend was spent relaxing. Sophie comes up from Wales and we visit my sister, Heather, brother in law, Richard and Godson Thomas. They rent a beautiful National Trust house on the quiet side of Windermere, near where the Swallows and Amazons was thought up. The Saturday night we spend in the CC hut in Grange, appropriately there was a poster of Dan Osman doing a half lever whilst soloing a big flake saying don’t let your fear stand in the way of your dreams. Sunday I drop my car off at Stonethwaite campsite and Sophie drops me at Sheps cafe. Hock picks me up and we went round to Wasdale and had a meal in the Head with Craig Naylor, farmer, climber and grandson of the legendary fellrunner Joss Naylor. We all chose the Cumberland sausage with mash.

   We hike into Hollow Stones and set up camp. It’s quiet but Mary Jenner, Mark Greenbank and Keith Phizaklea are on the way down and come for a chat. Dave Birkett is checking out possible new climbs on a hill around the corner. Later Rob and Craig Matheson come along as well. By 20.00 it was only me and Hock, my enigmatic friend I’d known since primary school, who indirectly helped start me soloing. Hock said he’d meet me at Falcon Crag sometime in early 1996, he didn’t. I set off up Spin Up and Funeral Way. From then on it opened up a different world of climbing. Dick Patey was in his mid 50s and lived near the Borrowdale hotel in the 90s. He was fit as sin and I watched him solo MGC regularly and routes like the Bludgeon. We were convinced he was ex-special forces. I used to chat to him about good routes to go for.

I’d brought the tent up for both of us but Hock decided not to, being fond of the stars and sheep he went and slept under them!

Hocking enjoying the evening at Scafell

   At 2.55 my alarm went off. I’d slept well and felt rested but looking up towards Scafell it was pitch black. I carried a small rucksack with a thermal, trainers, an empty bottle for stream water, some food, a map and a compass. Not hungry I forced down some food a small tea and set off.

   CB was the biggest route on the list and in its own way the most intimidating. The 1st ascent of this in 1914 was visionary with the kit they had. Leaving Sansoms shoulders to grovel up the crack before bringing Holland up was some feat which dad would speak of in his lectures in the Moot Hall in Keswick. Mabel Barkers and Menloves efforts were incredible also.

   It was the centenary of the 1st ascent this year and I’d read a great deal about the 1st World War and what was ‘involved’. Herford died in it in 1916 at the age of 25. His essay ‘The Doctrine of Descent’ is a brilliant piece of writing concerning mountain climbing.

Starting on CB felt like paying respects and the story and tragedy related to the climb was like fuel.

Central Buttress, Scafell

   I topped out at first light and felt relief, scree running back down to meet Hock before contouring round to briefly join the Corridor Route a path my dad had helped build. After a few routes on Piers Ghyll crag and one on Undercarriage wall feeling much like grit, I continue running and receive a stunning view of Styhead Tarn, Derwentwater and Borrowdale in the Dawn light. It was a crystal clear day, 4.30 in the morning with empty hills.

   I track round to Esk Hause and Ore Gap looking back towards Scafell, the East Buttress is in full glory and the Main Face shown as a silhouette. Dropping off Bowfell I arrive at Flat crags, Simon Gee is there and after a quick handshake I head up Fastburn. I run down to Neckband and set about 6 routes. I was only going to do 5 here but looking at a crack at the base called Cut-Throat I thought it looked easy after America. I was wrong, it was dusty, smeary and quite strenny.

   I dropped down into the valley noticing some Bog Asphodel and Sundew between the Bedstraw and bracken on the way up to Gimme where I set off up Intern. I 1st climbed this with Alison Iredale in 2001 the same day as the twin towers. I drop down left and set off up Gimmer String. On the top Steve (superfit) Ashworth is there having bivvied on the top. I used to work with Steve and it was great to see him. 15 mins later I arrived at Pavey Ark.

Gimmer String. Steve Ashworth

Ray McHaffie in Borrowdale, 1950s

   I first climbed here in 1999 and arriving I soloed Astra and Cascade before belaying Dave Birkett on his project. He told me he was concerned if he fell off he would hit the ground. He got really high and fell off. His gear held fine but it gave me a shock. Dave has only deepened his legend through the years putting up incredible lines. Whilst working with him and Paddy he would tell us that he was the best dry stone waller in the world. Nay said we but 2 years ago he won at the Chelsea Flower Show. He was the best!

    I go up Capella and Poker Face before heading via Cove crag and Bright Beck Cove towards Sergeant Crag slabs. The 2 red deer are there again on the quiet felltops.

Dad found Sergeant Crag slabs in the mid 90s and it gives some of the best single pitch slabs between VS and E2 in the Lakes. He brought me up here to climb my first HVS, Lakeland cragsman. Hock was there having driven round from Wasdale and I quickly do 5 routes before pulling back up the hillside to jog to Heron. The climbs here are small but on perfect rock and it is a great place to visit after Bleak How. After Heron I drop off to Bleak How and Fat Charlies Buttress before arriving thankfully at my car. I’d told myself at this point to pretend I’d stepped into a fresh body and was just starting. I stuck on Leftism, the music of mine and Dans Yosemite trip and if you’re into that kind of thing a contender for the best album to have left the 90s.

   I arrive at Goat a short while later and head up Preying Mantis. I first did this with dad who said a friend of his once got his fingers trapped in a fingerjam on the 1st pitch whilst seconding. He couldn’t free them so dad started to go down to him saying he’d have to cut the finger off. His friend freed the finger. Tumbleweed Connection, Bitter Oasis, Mirage and Footless Crow are some of the finest climbs in the lakes.

   I head up a few shorter ones before heading to Grange crags. Dad once told me Colin Downer came round the house threatening to beat him up if he did any of Downers lines on this crag. I was curious as to how I’d be on these ones. Sudden Impact and Rough Justice have 5c moves about half way through. I was a bit tired but mainly in my feet. I headed towards Shepherds and the sacrilege of missing out dad’s favourite cliff, Black Crag was not lost on me. I took it off the list a few days before starting but intended to do his climb the Niche later on.

The best café in the world

After an egg butty at Sheps cafe I cover Sheps in the heat of the day feeling very muggy. Porcupine felt hard, Aaros as ever the most pleasurable and by the time I reach Brown Crag Grooves I know I’m tired. Shepherds is nearly always dry, has the ‘best cafe’ at the base and offers great views across Derwentwater. My first climb was on here, Donkeys Ears.

Hock picks me up from beneath and we drive round to Reecastle, a crag in a truly stunning setting near Watendlath the views from its top are back towards Bassenthwaite Lake. There is a small crowd back from the crag. Maxine Willet from the Mountain Heritage Trust has brought the Abraham Brothers camera up. It’s great to see Duncan and Evon Booth with their kids and with them feeling confident enough in my ability that their children won’t see anything traumatic I feel buoyed. Nicole Macgregor, Clare and Henry Iddon are also around the cliff, part of Hocks enigmatic social networking. Two climbers allow me to use their abseil rope speeding up events. It feels warm and I do 8 climbs as fast as I can. Towards the end a climber asks why I don’t do Thumbscrew as he found it easier than some of the others. I’d intended to but was too tired to do it safely. Since leaving Shepherds I didn’t think I’d complete the challenge. Fatigue had properly arrived. I did a pleasant techy E2 on the south crag, Widowmaker and myself and Hock headed up to Goats. Enjoying the smaller climbs I feel like at the end of a long few days sport climbing. Rogue Herries I’d left till last on this cliff as it was the hardest and I didn’t think I’d do it but wanted to pull up to look at the first hard bit, after a minute I commit upwards in what became the only bad bit of the entire day.

Feeling pretty battered I decide to leave Lower Falcon, although it would have been great to do the Niche. At the garage in Latrigg Close we grab a sandwich, lucosade and Hock some tabs before we set off into Thirlmere. This used to be my commute road and as Castle Rock appeared in the evening sun the journey with my primary school friend felt a little surreal and brought ‘The Heart of Darkness’ to mind for some reason. The travel from goats to Castle Rock was the biggest rest I’d had and arriving at the crag I got a 2nd wind. A few routes on the south crag meant a move to the north with 5 routes left to do. I really wanted to do a 3 pitch one, Thirlmere Eliminate and Harlots Face. These routes involved Jim Birkett, Paul Ross, Don Whillance, Joe Brown, Pete Greenwood on their first ascent and were cutting edge for the area at the time. Thirlmere Eliminate went well being a corner at the top you can bridge and get all the weight off tired arms. I think I’d done most of these climb with my friend Wesley Hunter sometime in the 90s, we had a load of adventures and some truly ridiculous teenage arguments on the cliffs.

At 10.15 or so I finished on Angel Highway and was glad I’d had a frenzied hour negating the need for headtorch climbing when tired at the end. I sent Sophie a message. Hock had brought up some bottles of Cumberland Ale and myself, Hock, Simon Gee and Henry Iddon got stuck into them before heading to the Oddfellow Arms in Keswick for another pint. Lucy Wood had made some great food which me and Hock got stuck into sometime after midnight before bed. The next morning I met Hock and Lucys lovely baby, Olive Tinker Hocking. Dave Birkett got in touch to see how it had gone.

I was deeply touched by the level of support given by people both on the day and in congratulations afterwards on what I’d seen as a personal pilgrimage through some great memories of the Lake District. Some climbs were big, some were tiny, some were clean, some were filthy but all were in the most fantastic landscape.

Thanks a lot to everyone involved before, during and after for having some faith in a somewhat out there idea. If you get the chance go and climb in the Lakes. Nice one Hock.

Simon Gee glad to be leaving Castle Rock holding a Cumberland Ale

The Southern Comfort was given to me by the Rapid Rock crew from last year, I'd saved it to celebrate

FIINAL LIST

CB     Heatwave 95         Shaun & Haley          Sleeping with the stars              Piers de piece

Wheel of Misfortune   Fastburn     Gillete direct      Razor crack   Gandalfs groove direct    Sweeney Todd    Cut Throat     Aragorn   Intern    Gimmer String

Capella    Poker Face The confidence man     The futures bright     Slab, ridge and arête      Nibble   nibble Bright Beck Corner     Confusion Wall    The Tinkerer      Little Jack

Asphasia    Quicksilver     Holly Tree Crack    Deathstroke       Between the Lines

Heaven knows Im miserable now     Flamingo Fandango     Big Foot    The Question    Little Corner   Barefoot    Joie Pur    Traverse of the Frogs

Amistad con el Diablo     Bleak How Buttress

Cellulite   Cholesterol Corner   Supermodel    Reassuringly Stocky

Preying Mantis   The Sting     Paint it Black   Zombie in the Dark     One Across

Fuel Crisis    Driving Ambition   Desmond Decker    Rough Justice    Sudden Impact   Red Neck

Mule Train   Black Icicle   Porcupine   Hippos might fly    Straight and Narrow    Grasp   Poop & Clutch MGC    Shanna   Aaros   PS North Buttress   Imago    Jaws   Conclusion    Brown Crag Grooves

White Noise    Rack Direct     Rack Finger Flake    Water Torture    Bold Warrior   Gibbet   Guillotine Gauntlet   Widowmaker

Mort    Balancing Act    Light Fantastic   Pussy Galore    Munich Agreement   Optional Omission    Nightmare Zone    Berlin Wall   Stranger to the Ground    Rogue Herries

Mackanory

Green Eggs and Ham    Reward    Romantically Challenged     Pinnacle Wall    Final Giggle

Harlots Face    Thirlmere Eliminate     Wingnut    Angels Highway

This summer has involved 3 trips and some excellent work ranging from MLTs to guiding with Stan, Cian, Catrin, Cameron, Dan, Khalid and Russel. The endless summer has meant a healthy scene in North Wales with trains of people going up routes like Lord of the Flies and the JubJub Bird. Alex Mason has been climbing well dispatching some cool new routes on Gogarth. Pete Robins gave the pass one of its hardest boulder problems and the Diamond one of its hardest routes as did Chris Doyle in Llandulas cave. Pete Harrisons limestone guidebook has arrived so next year should be a big year for North Wales Limestone.

Stan and Cian on the belay of Big Groove direct, E4. Gogarth Main cliff

Catrin and Cameron climbing Hardd, staying dry in the heavy rain

   The first trip was to the Lakes for 4 days and involved climbing Bucket Dynasty (which having a fairly reachy and bold crux received a good flash by Emma Twyford), Dusk Till Dawn, Borderline and repeating some old classics. Dusk Till Dawn particularly deserves attention, Al Wilsons vision. I climbed with Al Wilson a great deal from onwards and when Al spoke of this it was with a bit of awe. After doing the crux on Bucket Dynasty a traverse right leads to 10m of jug pulling and a good cam1 (I’d left mine lower down) where wild moves lead up left from a peg to a sinker and still testing finish. Steep single pitch routes don’t get much better than this.

   Clare Carter organised a ‘Ravens Pit’ evening in the field outside the Sticklebarn pub in Langdale with Dave Birkett giving a great insight into how tourists are lucky not to be shot or run over on motorbikes nowadays as that used to be the usual Cumbrian welcome. It was a good final night to the trip.

   Having just read Pete Liveseys brilliant biography I’d like to recommend it. His routes in the Lakes were very futuristic when they were put up, a precursor to Pete Whillances and Dave Birketts; Footless Crow, Dry Grasp, Nagasaki Grooves, Bitter Oasis amongst many other greats which were and still are testpieces shutting down Lancashire’s finest. Loved Liveseys thoughts on Statement “What do you reckon about this route in Wales? 7 bolts in 70 feet?, how can that be E7?”Good effort to Mark Radtke and John Sheard for slotting it all together.

Looking down The West Face, Great Zawn, Bosigran

The second trip was to Devon and Cornwall and involved ticking the final few extreme rock ticks in the vicinity apart from America and Guernica. I’m giving myself 2 years to finish the book so I’m giving Neil Foster some time to do it first. Highlight climbs were The West Face, Morgawr, The Marksman, Astral Stroll and Il Duce. One of the best parts of the trip came in seeing the ‘spirit of adventure’ in some other climbers though. Worried about some friends who had set off late on Dream Liberator I eventually grabbed a headtorch and went exploring to the top of the zawn about half ten, I could hear voices now and again but couldn’t get a visual. I scrambled to the top of Xanadu to get a better picture to see Gwen topping out on the final 5c pitch by headtorch, with James and Mark still on the belay with no torches. It looked awfully dark down there so I lit the wall up with my headtorch as James and Mark climbed it. I was well impressed with their adventurous attitude although not with James and Marks preparation. Mention should be made of Sophie Evitts efforts this trip as not having climbed for a year doing routes like Il Duce is no mean feat and there were a few ‘eyes on stalks’ moments. I thought Guernica might have been a tad cruel to get back into things.

Sophie enjoying the easier angled pitch on the superb, Il Duce

The final trip of the summer was with Ryan Pasquill. I’d not taken 9 days of ML work to have this trip, probably equivalent to £1500 and I was interested to see if it was worth the cost of not doing the work. Original plans were to go up to look at Echo Wall on Ben Nevis. Having not sport climbed since May and having found a project back in Wales I managed to talk Ryan into a different type of trip.

We set off in the afternoon from Sheffield and arrived in Dovedale with climbing gear and sleeping bags at the ready. Walking into the campsite shop we had difficulty deciding on wether to carry a bottle of wine or some beers. It was a tough decision and in the end we took both. We hiked up to Dove and after a warm up on the Flying fissure finish I send Ryan up Dusk Till Dawn. A flash pump kills him high up on the pillar and he says he’d wished he’d done Dynasty first. I mentioned I’d only done that one first because the description was wrong and I’d gone 3m higher than the traverse right and was too pumped to downclimb.

We leave the kit at the crag base and go up to the brilliant bivvy cave the Priests Hole where we played cards and cooked up a feast (of couscous and rice). The morning after the sun shone straight into the cave and there was a layer of mist in the valley bottom, I can see why Millican Dalton spent his summers living in his cave in Borrowdale.

Morning views from the Priests Hole

The Priests Hole

The Commital Chamber, Iron Crag, Thirlmere

After warming up Ryan did Dusk Till Dawn and Bucket Dynasty and I did Vlad the Impailer and Beyond the Pail (which is still E6 rather than 7). Climbing on Dove we were both in a perpetual pumped state and I knew my fitness had deteriorated considerably since May when I’d onsighted 3 E7s in a day in Pembroke. The day after we went to Iron crag to climb Commital Chamber and Al Wilsons excellent link-up from Western Union into Pumping Iron, Iron Man which deserves attention.

Heading back to North Wales we both felt cooked and there was no opportunity to get Ryan on the Promontory Slab project and the Meltdown which had been part of the plan. Having pretty good gear but a ludicrously hard start I spoke to Dawes who said he’d done the moves on the middle bit but didn’t think the start would go. I think it’ll be V11ish starting 8m being considerably harder than Stone Temple Pilots or Diesel Power but on a steep slab! The only way I can see of anyone doing this is what me and pete used to take the piss out of Jack for, being a ‘**** on the shunt’. I suppose that was me on meltdown as well though.

The Promontory Slab project

We head down to Pembroke in the late afternoon and do Another Day, Another Dog, The Barbarians are Coming, Ships that Pass in the Night and Dogs of Hoare which I’d not done since the late 90s. Climbing with Ryan necessitates sponsoring St Govans Inn each night! I’ve been to Pembroke many times over the years and think the drive down from North Wales is one of the most picturesque drives you can do. The quantity of great climbs there is near limitless and I’m sorry Gogarth but Pembrokes certainly offers the best sea cliffs in Britain.

Pembroke was fairly quiet, which is unusual for such a nice weekend. We headed straight to Huntsman’s Leap where Ryan gets going on the technical E5, Magazine people with myself and Mawson offering some heckling as Ry doesn’t feel himself and seems to climb left, right and centre all the way up, never finding the easiest path. I do Black Lagoon which with the some of the pegs missing felt quite committing and should be regarded as considerably harder than Souls, the classic, ok E6 of the Leap and bloody hell it’s got a tough move after the first thread. There is only Nothing to Fear I really want to do in there now. After another Leap E5 we finish on Trevallen on Smash the Bass (which has 2 extremely dangerous blocks right beneath the roof now-don’t do it, I started to lever it off but was worried of chopping my ropes) and the Hole.

Lee Roberts and Joe Betalot on Darkness at Noon. The chalk marks on the right shows Black Lagoon

Free Masonry traverses the lip of the arch to gain the small round cave. Then goes straight up

That night Mawson divulges the delights of Free Masonry, a 4 pitch E6 on the outside of the Cauldron. Taking Crispin Waddy a few efforts over 2 years the ascent required procuring George Smith and involved the odd retreat into the Sea from the final pitch. Neil had said himself and Charlie Woodburn had done some epic sideways abseiling/traversing to retreat from the final crux pitch.

We woke up groggily and set off with intent. We racked up at the summit of the impressive Cauldron Hole and walked down the ridge. A sea level traverse leads to 20 metres of commando style caving to eventually pop out before the Stone Bridge which gives Free Masonry its first pitch. Now, talking about 4 pitch sea arch E6s in the pub doesn’t quite give you a good impression of what they actually look like close up. On the apex of the Arch was a small cave at the end of the 3rd Pitch, the top of this had a 1m horizontal roof above it leading to severely overhanging ground and eventually to an extremely blank looking groove nr the top of the cliff. Although E6 isn’t that big a grade many people who have climbed routes graded E9/10 won’t have onsighted 10 routes of E6. Basically some of them can be really hard and because the more esoteric ones get done little or not at all when compared with many easier climbs the grade is more likely to be off the mark.
We both went quiet for a minute before some awfully soft, almost unconscious excuses started coming out of our mouths.

“What do you think?”

“We’re pretty tired”

“The start looks quite wet”

“The seas too rough to abseil into and besides which, how the **** do you swim with a rack on?”

We looked back at the caves, our still easy line of retreat.

Our excuses sickened me somewhat, although it may have been the Broadside. We decided to have a look as it was only the first 5 metres looked wet. The first pitch of the Stone Bridge, a 1980s Mick Fowler E5 6b provides a suitable start having a pumpy groove leading to airy moves round an arête and a good thread belay. Ryan leads through across more exciting terrain, a horizontal traverse leading to a 7m downclimb down a groove and a hanging belay right on the lip of the arch. The 3rd pitch involved wild climbing, jumping feet across the other side of grooves to get bridged and piling around a wild arête where you could climb it several different ways but all around 6a/b. Pulling into the cave is just the best belay. Its 5m deep and the birds who once inhabited it must have thought they had the best, least likely to be interrupted home until Crispin and George poked their heads in. In the guidebook it had mentioned that the climb was generally well protected. I now knew that it was a George/Crispin sandbag as the pitch before had been E6 and with slightly more small and fiddly gear than you’d like for the style of moves you do away from it.

The lip belay with the cave not far beyond

The inside of the cave

Ryan, not wanting to leave the cave

Ryan arrived in the mega cave and we were both feeling a bit tired, the route finding had been tricky even to here which is what had helped stop Neil and Charlie on the final pitch. I won’t spoil the surprise of the finale but crux moves just above the cave lead to big moves on big holds to a still 6bish groove nr the top. I was totally blown away (as was Ryan).

   I’ve done Conan the Librarian 3 times and think it’s an amazing climb but this was well beyond that for both brilliant climbing and ludicrous terrain it follows. The pictures just can’t do it justice. We went to Govans East and finished on Psyce n Gurn which although it gets the same grade is thankfully about E4 6b. The following day we were battered, Ryan did Yellow Pearls and I did Fabulous Fishing but both our elbows were out by this point. The afternoon was spent watching a remarkable effort by a friend of ours but I’m sworn to secrecy.

   I look back on the trip and the £1500 in work I’d not taken. I can roughly attach a price to many of the climbs for what they are worth to me (economists and insurance companies love this kind of thing). Vlad, Iron Man, Black lagoon are each worth ~£200 being great routes I’ve thought about doing for years. The ascent of Free Masonry with Ryan though, that’s trickier, it was absolutely priceless and will keep me chuckling for years. Free Masonry.

   “The gears a slider, a tricam, a cam and a wire”.

   I nod my head to Neil in the hope he thinks I like the sound of what he’s telling me. A slider, what bloody good is a slider? So its 7c+/8a to get to this gear at 15m. A fall anywhere near the end of this first runout would deposit him on the ground. From this gear, all placed at the same point hard and dynamic moves lead right and then straight up for another 5m to a crux slap. From here 2 more wires are had, small offsets before more hard moves lead to easier ground.
I’d known about Neils Pembroke project as long as he’d had it, since about 2011. It sounded pretty epic but I’d expected something looking similar to The Big Issue, a steep face with a load of good looking pockets and good gear here and there. Standing beneath Neils route it only shared the steepness. There were no juggy pockets, only some small spaced calcite crimps which Neil informed me was the easy part of the climb! Higher I could see it looked very hard with a dynamic crux move at the end of a lot of hard, bold climbing. It was obvious looking up at it that only a meticulous climbing performance would get up the devil.

Behind me I heard Ryan cracking open one of the cans of Guinness, we’d brought 4 down to the beach with us thinking to share a celebration with Neil and his partner Nathan. It was the end of mine and Ryans road trip and having done a lot of climbs from E5-7 in the Lakes and Pembroke we were both toasted and enjoyed going to lend moral support to Neil and watch the show.

   I knew Neil had put a fair amount of effort into it but Ryan brought it home mentioning Neil had often driven the 5 hrs to Sheffield and camped on his own to go and work this project. On many of his efforts over the years the conditions have been too gop to attempt it. On hearing about Neils efforts against shite conditions I thought having a project like it an extremely poor idea as I couldn’t be arsed having sport projects on the Diamond in N.wales due to the gop, let alone a venue 5 hrs drive away.

Neil abseiling in from the top

Neil warming up

After a quick look and warm up into the moves on a rope he says he’s going to have a go. After putting in the first runners and reversing for a ten minute breather Neil starts the lead. He climbs the crimpy calcite wall like a smooth robot and at about 10m entered the no-fall zone to eventually arrive at the flake where a poor shakeout can be had and thankfully the nest of gear. To this point would be E8/9 for sure looking to be a considerably bigger lead than Gribin Wall climb. After the gear is in and a 5 minute shake the Mawson machine continues, climbing fast he is suddenly a fair way above his tricam and cluster of shite and is eyeballing the jug.

His body sags a tiny bit and he falls outwards as his fingertips tickle the jug. A big fall brings him downwards and Nathan his belayer upwards till they are level. The cluster held, obviously. After stripping the gear Neil gave it one more go. Climbing smoothly again past the first runout to the nest of gear. Unfortunately seepage had set in and a wet hold chucked him off a little after. Even though Neil didn’t have glory that day his performance was a very inspiring one.

Neil high on his first lead attempt

Neil on his way down from his first attempt

Actual steepness of face

   Driving back with Ryan I was still trying to take in what Neil had put into that bit of rock and was pondering wether it was a worthwhile venture, after all, in that time you can do a hell of a lot of other things. He certainly wasn’t doing it for any financial gain, as one of Britain’s top climbers he’d get a load of free gear being a hero near his home, he has a full time job and didn’t need to risk life and limb on a project. No, this was a very personal endeavour, a mission to try and climb quite a futuristic, overhanging wall, certainly in terms of trad.

   What if it got wet and he didn’t get it this year? The thought disturbed me on Neils behalf, having to start again next year, getting fit enough to do 3 laps on an 8b+/c, re-working the moves, psyching up again.

I’d asked Neil to message me when he had success and to give me the name. I was on the way back from the Lakes having caught up with family and climbed a few classics on Pavey Ark and Goat crag, the opposite end of the scale from what Neil was doing.

“Hi Caff. Did it today! Amazing conditions. E10 8b+, name Choronzon. It’s a mythical demon that lives in the abyss of one’s mind. It tries to reinforce the negative thoughts going through ones mind”

   An appropriate name although I’ve never required a demon to supply me with negative thoughts. I’ve climbed a few routes graded E9 in a session or 2 with speed of ascent and minimal inspection being one of my main aims on routes I couldn’t onsight, hence the odd failure due to lack of preparation. It was obvious this was a different proposition to those climbs requiring a whole lot ‘more’.

   I think it’s probably the hardest trad style climb in Wales and England with routes like Equilibrium deserving a grade of E9 7b perhaps, being hard but not as big a lead. I know Neil would have voted yes if given the chance as if Scotland became independent Choronzon would be the hardest in the Unitedish Kingdom. As it stands it will be one of the hardest 3 in the UK; Rhapsody, Echo Wall and Choronzon. All very different routes in different venues but they’ve one thing in common, it took 2 great climbers a great deal of effort and dedication to climb them.

  Nice one Neil.

It's the time of the year again when I start to formulate lists of must do routes. I've put together a list of some of the better E6s I've climbed over the years in various areas. Scotland is sadly lacking in the list but Murdo, Ian Small, Blair and Tony Stone are all good candidates for info on the better ones to go for. Many are incomparable in terms of difficulty and seriousness, with routes like Hells Wall and Eye of the Tiger being technically hard but much easier leads than routes such as Other Realms or Stage Fright.
The routes on the Stigmata buttress should be handled with care. Some of the routes are well known and probably get as much traffic as any E6 does but there are a few more esoteric ones people might be keen to search out. The guidebook descriptions for many routes at around this grade should be taken with caution as often they're off the mark with the grade as some get repeated rarely. I've shaded green ones that are good tasters at the grade but they may still have some bite. The ones with a + sign may be at the upper remit of the grade. I've left out the highballs and the total clip ups although Grezelda and Ghost Train just scraped in. Many of the routes are by the same list of first ascentionists, the likes of Littlejohn, Gibson, Crocker and Fowler, Livesey, Fawcett being very prolific.

Paul Swail enjoying Above & Beyond, Fairhead

Wen Zawn, aptly named where Conan the Librarian and Mr Softy are found

Smoothlands. Hellbound and Creeping Flesh offer brilliant slab climbing

Strangers tackles the short but brilliant right arête found in north Pembroke, Craig Llong. A Crocker classic

Pasquil showing that although he struggles on brit 9a+s he has no problem on grit

Robins getting ready to race up Ghost Train

Two Wee Laddies, Rora Head, Hoy                                     Great White, Blue Scar

Handren Effect, Glen Nevis                                                Milky Way, Ilkley

Highlander, Kioch, Skye                                                     Conan the Librarian, Gogarth

Old El Pastits, Gairloch                                                       The Cad, Gogarth

Dead Calm, Gairloch

Bonxie, Pabbay                                                                 Mr Softy, Gogarth

Sweet Disregard for the Truth, Glen Coe                              Skinhead Moonstomp, Gogarth

Faery Stories, Fairhead                                                       Barbarossa, Gogah

Above & Beyond, Fairhead                                                  Ludwig, Gogarth

Hells Kitchen Arete, Fairhead                                               Crack Eats Man Alive, Gogarth

Taming the Tiger, Fairhead                                                 Jub Jub Bird, Rhoscolyn

Pressure Point, Mournes                                                     Dreams & Screams, Rhoscolyn

Footloose Crow, Borrowdale                                               Tonight at Noon, Lleyn

Daylight Robbery, Borrowdale                                             Terrorhawk, Lleyn

Camikazi, Borrowdale                                                         Gross Clinic, Lleyn

Ringwraith, Scafell                                                             Rust Never Sleeps, Lleyn

                                                                                   ++Other Realms, Lleyn

                                                                                       Negative Equity, Lleyn

Western Union, Thirlemere                                                 Surreal, Tremadog

Internal Combustion, Raven Ullswater                                  +No Holds Barred, Tremadog

                                                                                       Fingerlicker Direct, Tremadog

Liquid Engineering, Raven Ullswater                                     A Midsummer Nights Dream

Sixpense, Langdale                                                            Unleashing the wild Physique, Pass

Das Kapital, Thirlmere                                                        Lord of the Flies, Pass

Bucket City, Dove crag                                                       The Wrath of Khan, Pass

Pail Face, Dove Crag                                                           New Era, Pass

Woodhouses Arete, Dow Crag                                              Pretty Girls Make Graves, Pass

                                                                                        Alchemy, Pass

                                                                                        Potency, Cwm Silyn

                                                                                        The Silver Usurper, Bodlyn, Rhinogs

Paths of Victory, Dow Crag                                                  Rainbow of Recalcitrance, Dinorwic

Stage Fright, Hodge Close quarry                                         Naked Before the Beast, Dinorwic

Hells Wall, Borrowdale                                                        Sombre Music, Dinorwic

Defying Destiny, Stanage                                                    Leafstorm, Nesscliffe

Crypt Trip, Stanage                                                            Strangers, Craig Llong, Pemboke

Salmon Left, Bamford                                                        All or Nothing, Barcud, Pembroke

Block & Tackle, Higgar Tor

Crème de la Crème, Yarncliffe                                            Fear no Evil, Range West

Adam Smiths Invisible Hand, Millstone                                 Grezelda Grezelda, Pembroke

Perplexity, Millstone                                                           Obsession Box, Pembroke

Messiah, Burbage south                                                      Big in America, Pembroke

Mickey Finn, Gardoms                                                        Hunter Killer, Pembroke

Make it Slappy, Gardoms                                                    Souls, Pemboke

Barriers in Time, Roaches

Master of Reality, Hen Cloud                                              White Hotel, Pembroke

Linden, Curbar                                                                 Little Hunt, Pembroke

Eye of the Tiger, Dovedale                                                  +Free Masonry, Pembroke

Coronary Country, Sharpnose                                              Orange Robe Burning, Pembroke

Hellbound, Smoothlands                                                     Oranges & Lemons, Pembroke

Absolution, Bosigran                                                           +Great White, Pembroke

Morgawr, Bosigran                                                             Ghost Train, Pembroke

Demolition, Sennen                                                          Crimes of Passion, Pembroke

Caveman, Berry Head                                                The Empire Strikes Back, Pembroke

Emergency Ward Ten,Lundy                                                Chasing Shade, Pembroke

+Watching the Ocean, Lundy

Voyage of the Acolyte, Lundy

Chase the Ace, Lundy

Ex-Cathedra, Lundy

The Price of Admission, Lundy

Ryan on the brilliant Free Masonry, possibly the best on this list

Robins wanting Ryan to hurry up on pitch 2 of Conan

The Rainbow slab, home to some of the best

2 idiots on the belay of hellbound. This is best done in one pitch as the belay consists of 2 old pegs you can back up with skyhooks. First pitch has loads of good wires

The Wizbang enjoying Ramadan, Siurana

A talk by Jack Geldard about ‘Do you think you can be a professional climber’ and a blog by Andy Kirkpatrick got me thinking about the ‘Pros’. My thoughts immediately went to Wiz Fineron.

The Superdirect on the Mot used to be my favourite E1 in the Pass, I’d done it on my own many times over the years in most conditions and never been nervous, until 7 yrs ago. My partner was leading. Halfway up the top pitch, due to his small size he had to body bridge the groove ‘quarryman’ style to the roof. Flicking in a cam 0 at full stretch he went on to fearlessly dyno through the roof before romping to the top. Wiz was 11 and very small. He moved to NZ and I knew that if he carried on climbing he would be pretty unstoppable. It must have been about this time that an ever positive Tim Emmett told the then young Hazel Findlay to go for it with regards to becoming a pro-climber. I’m glad that he did, I would have told her that she was bonkers.

Wiz reappeared in Blighty last year and didn’t disappoint. He’s a good contender for the best rock climber operating in Britain at the moment. His no falls, 1 day ascent of Silbergier might be the best ascent yet from a very good international contingent who have repeated the climb. Wiz lives on carrots, doesn’t make any money from climbing and I doubt there are any climbs in the world that will be out of his remit in the next few years with boredom threshold being the key factor for the harder sporty ones.

I’ve been a sponsored climber since the late 1990s on and off, having had some great sponsors. Red Chili, Wild Country, ME, Moon, V12, Mountain Works, Arcteryx, 5.10 and my current sponsors, DMM, Rab, Boreal and Stirling Ropes. They’ve all been great because I’ve ranged from a good sponsor/role model, for example getting up before work to train, having and helping to publicise achievements but I've also been an awful sponsee/role model. Getting up having a couple of tabs and a coffee, going to work and getting pumped solid trying to lead something I could easily have soloed when leading a semi-healthy lifestyle etc. I’d like to reassure my current sponsors I’m in the former role. For me the free kit over the years has been a ‘support network’ for kit I would often have struggled to afford.

Sponsorship has changed over the years. In the 90s you could get free boots and kit for climbing well and if you were a little known maybe even some free clothes. Nowadays to be sponsored free boots you are expected to have a blog, twitter feed, a facebook 'athlete' page and a climbing CV which states you can redpoint almost as well as Ondra can onsight.
Even then you might get booted off the boot team. Last year 5.10 got rid of anyone who wasn’t a ‘good’ self promoter in Britain. Pete Robins had been with them since the 90s, is one of the best rock climbers around, had been on front covers of magazines, dvds, guides as well as lots of online footage of him doing the hardest boulder problems and routes in Wales and they ditched him for not having a blog and social media accounts. I was one of the ‘chosen’ getting an email saying:

“When we get round to 2015, we will review how the year has fared for you and hopefully you will have achieved greater media interest. Please send me links to your online news, Youtube and Vimeo vids, personal blogs etc. If something appears in a magazine/newspaper or on the telly, let me know. I don’t want to get to 2015, and see that there is nothing against your name, when in fact you have been setting the world alight. It is up to you to promote yourself.”

A 5.10 athlete expresses disappointment at being dropped from the team

I realised at this point more than ever that sponsorship is not about performance but more concerning social media salesmanship.....of oneself.

   Being a sponsored climber and being a ‘pro’ are 2 different things, having never been a ‘pro-climber’ I do know a bit of what it consists of and am impressed people have chosen this over a job as for anyone who isn't a trustifarian it seems a bold move. In 2011 I was in Yosemite and climbed with Hazel Findlay and Sean Villanueva for a day or 2. Even through my fickle seasonal contracts in the UK outdoor instruction industry I was earning about 4 times what they earned combined. They were living out of a bag following their dream. I was waiting to buy each series of Game of Thrones, pumping money into a pension scheme to subsidise the usual PYB pension of EBAYing off the free kit. It’s no surprise that there is little money in climbing, I love climbing and have done a lot of instruction and coaching over the years but if it’s a choice between a climbing film or Masterchef the latter wins.

    Anybody working a 5 day week who can have the weekend and 2 evenings off has enough free time to climb as well as many of the ‘pro-climbers’ in the world today but with the added benefit of a reasonable salary and perhaps a pension.

A look at some ‘pros’:

Leo Houlding left home when he was 14/15 to pursue his dream, and lived out of a bag. His achievements on El Cap stand the test of time, especially his ground up effort on the Prophet. Very few climbers in the world would stand halfway up El Cap look up and set off on a serious 7c pitch without knowing what was there. In fact knowing the grade and where to go very few climbers in the world would get up it without abseil inspection. What I like about Leos achievement is that he abhorred training, wasn’t a keen sports climber but with all the modern strength gains the best of today would still struggle to replicate his effort. Although some UKBeliebers would argue the point.

Hazels achievements are spectacular with the granite being a tough medium to climb on often giving blank, insecure and reachy pitches which have to be executed in exposure and heat whilst being really bolloxed from hauling. This done groundup on routes which many good climbers abseil down to rehearse pitches to up their chance of success. When she stops moaning about her whingery I expect more great things.

Steve Mcclure is another enigma to me. I’m really glad he decided to become a pro climber and make it worthwhile for Ondra to visit Britain, but what most impressed me about his choice is he stopped a career in engineering to do something which pays him less than half as well, is highly insecure, and has limited long term prospects. He ditched a good salary and gave Britain some iconic cutting edge climbs.

   There have been many climbers over the years who could have become sponsored climbers or even ‘pros’. In the 1980s Douggie Hall was onsighting E7s which is a bit like the 4 minute mile in blighty, some years next to nobody does it, apart from maybe Ian Small.

   Probably the most impressive soloist to have partook of the activity in Britain is someone few people will know of. He used to do laps on Void, onsight soloed Great Arete (a mountain crag E5 in the Carneddau) as well as many other much easier soloes, like Positron. He was...the great Doug Shaw, or Doug the Thug to people who knew him. I laboured for him for a while and he is a top guy. What he did back then was comparable to what Peter Croft did in Yosemite, if I had to choose between going up Astroman or Great Arete without a rope Astroman would win.

   The achievements of these trad climbers often isn’t recognised like that of the well known sport climbers like Ben Moon who has been shown to be ahead of his time in terms of physical climbing ability. The likes of Pete Croft, Douggie Hall and Doug Shaw could easily have done more ‘terrifying’ things if they used tactics employed nowadays. For instance, if Doug had been arsed to dick about on a rope on Strawberries for an hour I’m confident he could have soloed it if he wished, as Croft could solo big E6/7s if he’d rehearsed them more, who knows he probably did.

Going back on track to a next generation climber like Wiz, my advice to him is it would be a damn shame for him not to climb as a ‘pro’ for a while to see what he can do, although he’d certainly be better off getting a job as a fireman, just ask Ed Booth. Wiz is what I deem an excellent role model and the main hurdle setting him back is his modesty.

   I’ve told him not to worry about ‘selling out’ via the social media outlets, there is no such thing nowadays as everyone is on there. Peter Capaldi gets it bang on in the Thick of It when he says “everybody is spewing their guts up on the internet”. If it sometimes feels a bit wrong and broken then just treat it like the environment- something to be ignored. I hope he can manage it without helping to promote poisonous drinks to kids. I cant help with hash tagging on twitter but should mention that Lauren Lavine said if you use more than 3 hash tags it’s likely that your # shit in bed.

I’d advise him to ask for more than just expenses if he is having to travel away for boot demos or talks. If you have a job as an outdoor instructor you can earn £150-£200 in a day, which means that you may be better off staying at home, going to work and going shopping. I recommend V12.

I’ll give the Prophet the final words of wisdom:

The priestess said to the Prophet: “Speak to us of sponsorship”

& the Prophet said: “People of Orphalese”

“I know not of work, the chalkbag is my lathe and the wingsuit my scythe”

“The modest man goeth hungry lest he not in top gear”

“Through Posing thou cometh into emancipation”

   The spring so far has felt like going through various stages of British climbing history. Going from Dawes’ slate masterpieces, Arrans Pembroke classics, Liveseys early frighteners onto attempting Moffats tribute to LPT Liquid Ambar.

   After having a few years off sport climbing I started the year with a trip to Spain which reignited the ‘sport desire’ and made me realise I’d been pretty unfit for 3 years. Getting back down LPT the start of the season I had forgotten how good the venue is. It’s got some of the best sport climbs in Britain across a large spectrum of difficulties. Night Glue, Bad Bad Boy, Statement of Youth, Over the Moon and Youthanasia being some of my top choices.

   In 2011 I had my first 2 month period of my life of taking sport climbing seriously with it always taking a backseat to trad. This same year 2 friends, Neil Dyer and Pete Robins were vying for the 1st ascent of the direct on the Walking Mussel which became one of the areas hardest sport climbs, Megalopa, Dyer got it first but I regard it as both theirs. Being hard 8b to a poor shakeout before a short fingery 8a+ it’s all about recovery on poor rests. Myself and Oli Grounsel climbed this early season before a great weekend in Pembroke.

Lower Pen Trwyn

The Easter weekend in Pembroke is often like Glastonbury in the campsite field near St Govans Inn. Over the weekend climbing with Dan Mcmanus we did a few great climbs, most of the harder ones belonging to John Arran, at least in their free forms. Three E7s which come highly recommended from the trip were Horizontal Pleasures (a Yosemite 5.12b), Roof of the World and Monster in a Box. Very different propositions but offering great, safe routes at the grades. Another route very worth doing from the trip is an Oxley/Waddy route called Outfoxed, giving good protection to high up but with a tricky bit at and above the roof but giving a 3 star E6/7. Interestingly over the weekend we came closest to falling on an E5 so don’t let the grades deter a go at the harder ones.

Dan on John Arrans aptly named, The Roof of the World

Johnny Dawes masterpiece, Couer De Lion

A few days after I was walking past Watford Gap with Pete Robins and Ray Wood to the view overlooking Twll Mawr, where the Quarryman lies and some key scenes from the Stone Monkey video. I’d abbed down Couer De Lion a couple of times to clean and check the moves and the gear and the opportunity to try it with Pete had arrived.

On my first abseil I arrived at the crux and was scratching my head for a few minutes, it appeared pretty blank but I knew I’d done the moves a decade or more before when looking at the Meltdown. I worked out each hard move on the crux and was pretty impressed by how insecure they were.

On the day of the ascent I’d stayed off the coffee and was feeling nervous waiting to go down, partly because of a near bust tip and because the main pitch is so insecure and the day felt warm and too still.

We abbed in over the horrible slate choss pile to the base and having warmed up at home and a solo I set off. After a few metres of 6b climbing you get to the most serious bit of the climb, a weird 6b move above a poor landing, 6 more metres of bold 6a leads to the bolt beneath the crux. Even knowing the moves it’s hard to make yourself commit to them because there are a few of them which are so insecure it would be really easy to fluff any of them and to make them work requires some speed to stop the feet rolling. After a couple of 7a moves one more 6c wild layback and lunge gives access to a rest before the final slippery e6 6c section to the belay. Pete came up and the next e6 6c pitch felt easy after the first pitch and the final one up the arête pillar a pleasure. We topped out just in time and went down with Ray to the Gallt Y Glyn ripping yarns about Dawes. It was the best day out I’ve had this year where everything went like clockwork but with plenty of potential of getting shut down with a friend I've climbed with a lot over the last 15 years.

I spoke with Johnny many years ago about him grading it e6 7a and he said he was pissed off with getting stick about giving stuff big grades. I suppose there just weren’t many comparable routes about then. In 1987 this was a remarkable ascent which would have been at the cutting edge of adventure trad at the time. It’s worth sampling some of his routes from this era to get a feel for where he was at.

Pete Livesey is a man my dad would talk about a great deal when I was getting into climbing. He left a big legacy in the Lake District with routes such as; Bitter Oasis, Footloose Crow, Dry Grasp and Nagasaki Grooves to name a few. He sounded a dry humoured character and anyone wanting an insight into him can read the excellent book Fast and Free. His and Ron Fawcetts approach to climbing and the climbs themselves are things I relate to heavily, going for quality and quantity.

I’ve done a lot of his climbs over the years and they’ve always held an air of quality and often boldness, much like Whillance ones. As part of trying to finish extreme rock in the next couple of years I went to climb Jenny Wren and Deliverance in Gordale Scar. Being put up in 1974 and given a lowish grade I expected a gift for E5 and was a bit gobsmacked. Leading the first 2 in one I thought the 2nd pitch could warrant e6, giving hard 5c moves on sometimes loose rock with duff gear a long way down to your right, certainly a bigger lead than Lord of the Flies. Deliverance although giving harder (more lichenous) moves was a much easier lead. Livesey gave his climbs very minimal inspection, a precursor to the likes of Dawes, Redhead, Dixon and Haston amongst afew others.

Sophie glad not to be taking the pendulum on pitch 2 of Jenny Wren

Livesey disparaged the bolting ‘revolution’ somewhat as it was occurring in Britain, thinking it took away the character and adventure of climbing.

“sport climbing is simply mastering moves. I haven’t the remotest inclination to join this band of climbers nor have I anything against what they are doing.”

I don’t know quite what he’d make of much of the climbing scene nowadays where lots of people talk about training indoors, resting, recovering and of course getting a selfie with a smile in said indoor environment #inspiring#restdaysarethebestdays?. Perhaps when the club huts ‘die out’ they’ll be bought up and made into climbing walls where one can hire a ‘mind-full performance climbing coach’ who doesn’t climb but has a background in kayaking, learning styles and training paradigms. Looking out of the windows of the huts they may sometimes ponder why anyone would climb on the cliffs, let alone the names of some of the climbs nor the history and characters behind them.

Getting back to Wales from the wknd in Yorkshire I went back down to LPT where Ben Moon had made his Statement of Youth in 1984 and Jerry Moffat put up Liquid Ambar in 1990. I’m not sure if many people clocked the level of progression which occurred during this period.

Ben Moon made a super quick repeat of LA in 1993 and in 2009 my friend Pete Robins made a repeat. A week or 2 before his successful ascent we went to Yorkshire together with the idea to climb 3 classic 8a+s in a wknd, The Groove, Urgent Action and Supercool. It rained for 48 hours solid so after the groove we had to find other 8s to do. After climbing Grooved Arete at Kilnsey Pete was about to warm down by onsighting The Ashes at Kilnsey. When he got his top off I stared aghast at how thin and ripped he was even after forcing a few pints down him on our trip. Up until that year we had always been beer drinking trad ledge shufflers. He’d done a very hard Boulder problem in Parisellas cave (V13/14) just before starting on LA and he told me he had to do some fingerboarding for LA as his fingers weren’t strong enough.

This is just setting the tone for Liqiud Ambar

Oli Grounsel getting well acquainted with the crux on Liquid Ambar

   I’d been on it in 2012, quickly done it in 2, but having a tweaky shoulder on a move high up I directed attention to the less steep Meltdown. I’d love to climb this route and the Sea of Tranquility which are the 2 hard ones I have left down there. I knew this one would suit me less well than the others because there are no shakeouts to recover on at all, unlike most other routes. It’s super finger strength and core intensive, being soft 8b to a clip at 2/3rds height then with no rest the crux sequence gives a V9/10 being comparable to the Lotus and Corridors of Power in the Pass.

I got on it in mid April and in early May got high on a few goes before the weather went cold and damp which meant numbing out and getting lower. Oli Grounsel should definitely have polished it off before he went to Ireland as he only weighs 7 stone and was looking very good on it, he obviously didn’t want it enough?

   It is a tough climb to do and in 1990 this must have been one of the toughest physical testpieces out there. Fairplay to Moffat, this is an incredible climb. I’ve not been on a sport climb like it and am amazed it went from routes like Statement in 1984 to LA in 1990, only a 6 year gap where Statement went from being cutting edge to feeling like an easy warm down at the end of a session after being on LA. A remarkable increase in standards showed the training and sports climbing effects coming through. It didn’t increase much through the 90s in Britain or indeed rarely in the 00s.

   It’s not too surprising then that Ben Moon steps back into the game and climbed Rainshadow. He mentions in an interview that he is 15% weaker than in the early 90s. Watching him make the V11 crux sequence look piss on it gives a bit of an insight of how strong he was back in the 90s.

  A shit thing about hard sport projects is that you don’t do much climbing. You spend most of your time resting. Having gone trad climbing for a day doing a couple of easier angled E7s I got on LA the day after and couldn’t do 3 moves. To try it I need to have 2 rest days before hand.

   Another shit point concerning sport climbing is the power to weight effect. The difference for me between climbing 8b, 8c and 9a= 10 stone, 9.5 stone and ~9 stone. As someone with a fairly sweet tooth this is probably the worst facet of sport climbing, if you see me at a cliff this summer and I’m looking hungrily at you don’t be disturbed.

Ryan Pasquill did the fastest ascent of a 9a by a Brit in Siurana a few years ago, he did it in 3 sessions, nearly 2. He had similar specs to Ondra at the time but Ondra was still 1 stone lighter making climbing hard sport routes considerably easier. If that’s not a boring aspect of what differentiates how hard someone can climb I don’t know what is.

   I’ll try and get Liquid Ambar done sometime this summer between trad shuffling and trying not to eat cakes, I just hope I don’t need to make any sacrifices too large, like Stannis in GofT, although as I stare across at my partner I do wonder what lengths Chris Doyle would go to.

   Next up is a trip to Ireland with my friend ‘the moron’ and Ray Wood. The Moron nearly did Rainshadow earlier this year but broke his ribs pissed up riding a bike in Sheffield. He has been in a state of ‘recovery’ since so I look forward to climbing with him in Ireland. We were hoping Ben Bransby would be joining us but he’s very busy recovering from 2 weeks work he did in 2011.

The climber shakes out and looks ahead, feeling fairly fresh and highly confident of success.

“so you don’t use the crack right of the arête”

“No, ye git the big fat f**king pinch, swap feet and lay it on”

The climber laybacks up feeling good and grabbing the slopey fat pinch with his right hand he milks it and eyes up the distant finishing jugs, swapping feet the climber gives it everything, hitting the jugs for a second his left hand holds it..........a moment later the climber is sailing down over Divided Years. On his way down 2 questions were going through the climbers head along with various swear words:

1: Had he been sandbagged.

2. Did he deserve it.

The prow of Divided Years

   I’d been looking forward to the main trip of the year for some time, partly to visit a new venue and partly because it was a good team. Ryan Pasquil and Ray Wood are akin to the George Best and James Hunt of climbing, Ryan being full of talent, drink and drugs and Ray offering the other attributes you’d associate with the pair. Ryan had broken his ribs 6 weeks prior to the trip and was uncertain he’d make it having replaced oxygen with alcohol for much of his recovery phase. He’d certainly seen better days, with a rough beard, clothes and missing a tooth he reminded me of a hobo, somewhat offset by his Arcteryx jacket. DMM were helping with the trip and there was a high probability of shit weather but I was confident of formulating an exciting report about the best pubs and cafes in the vicinity with a little bit about how hard we found the E2s when we managed to get onto dry rock.

   We all scrambled into my Almera having just enough room for Rays big bags full of hairspray. The ferry from Holyhead to Dublin takes in the brilliant view of Gogarth and arriving on the other side we drove North for 2 hours to stay at Meelbeg Cottage near Newcastle in the heart of the Mournes.

   The first morning after pulling Ray away from the wifi connection we drove the 20 minutes through the Mournes to park in the Little Carrock area before setting off walking towards the Buzzards Roost passing the Mourne Wall. I’d put my walking boots on and took the lead chuckling quietly while Ryan and Ray followed in approach shoes as I led them the most boggy way I could find to the cliff. Nearing the cliff we took in the awesome line of Divided Years, a huge ships prow which was full of in-situ kit and quickdraws. We did the classic 1st pitch of Spirit level into Plumbline before doing the classic E4 Twist of Fate.

Looking down the Plumbline

Ray Wood having switched off due to lack of talent on the drive

The venue was considerably better than I expected giving excellent climbing on high quality granite. Getting in touch with Ricky Bell that evening he offered to come up and get the in-situ kit out and was keen to get some footage. I couldn't believe our luck as the route was in a bit of a shit state and would of been a bit grim from lichen on some holds.

The next day we warmed up doing War Music whilst Ricky very kindly stripped Divided Years and put chalk on the key holds as well as divulging lots of good info. I climbed up to the key pecker where the hard climbing begins and downclimbed as Ricky recommended. Ryan did the same.

Soon after I gave it a proper go, not getting the kneebar in very well I reached something shit, started to pull out and promptly fell off. Ryan goes up next slapping through my highpoint he lays it on for a load more moves, his body was quivering with surprise and I looked on in amazement. If his body didn’t explode maybe he’d top it out? If he did blow up what would be the alcoholic % of his remnants?

The surprise eventually caught up with him and he gave the pecker a good testing. It was a fine image and if I was a marketing genius I would have got a picture with a caption "Define Masculine".

Next go up I milked the kneebar and reaching up higher my fingers closed on a fingerjug sidepull, I was both elated at grabbing it and gutted at missing it earlier. Pulling right the hard wire placement felt fine along with the crux moves to gain the shakeout. I felt instantly recovered and knew I was in with a good chance. What followed was the best sandbag I’ve had. The hardest moves on this top section are leaving the shakeout, these felt ok and arriving at the open pinch I’d been recommended I committed to the dynamic 6c move which would be one of the hardest on the climb. Not quite hanging the jugs my right arm was decimated from the pinch and even after a rest day it felt kod.

Ricky Bell on his new route, Peactime

Me or Ryan on Divided Years

Ryan losing cards for washing up

A rest day was required and I’ve never been that keen on them but this one was truly horrible. Ryan had cooked up a big curry the night before and the gap toothed troll sat all day on my sofa bed farting. The only good bit of the day was Ryan losing cards for washing up.

We returned after a rest day and the crack right of the fat pinch held a good hold and a static 5c move led to jugs. We both did it 1st go that day having left most of the gear from our 1st day on it. It is one of the best climbs I’ve done and it was great to do it with Ryan but looking back on this bugger I was a bit disappointed with my effort in general as it had a farcical element about it. It is also a bit of a shame it doesn’t finish with the chuck off the fat pinch as it would be a hell of a finish.

Ricky pulled out a very good lead on a knew climb with some hairy looking moves and runouts going on to create a contender for the hardest climb on the Roost, Peacetime.

After celebrating Ryans birthday and our ascent the following day we had perfect weather and hiked up onto the ‘abundant tors’ on Sleive Binnian, joined . We did Electra, a brilliant E1, some bouldering and a rather unique E7 called We’re All Learning in the sun which offers 20 metres of burly E3 into 5 metres of gritesque technicalities. Later that day Nathan Lee did a fine lead on the bold Tolerance, whilst belaying I was eyeing up a flightpath to take in slack in the event of a fall. This area is well worth a visit, giving ace climbing with unbelievable views.

Nathan and Ryan soloing the brilliant Electra

Ryan trying to refine his hot weather grit technique on We're All Learning

With a poor forecast for Fairhead we decided to stay in the Mournes, after watching Ricky Bells brilliant short movie, In The Middle we were both inspired by the look of the Peaceline, a route of Rickys up the arête left of Divided Years.

With a poor forecast we set off walking having ditched Ray somewhere. The forecast was poor and after 30 minutes I questioned Ryan asking him what he thought. He said he was keen to give it a go and admiring his enthusiasm I made a mental note to do the thinking for both of us, later confirmed whilst playing cards under an overhang on the Roost, sheltering from the rain. We had a quick session in the Tollymore Wall that afternoon and I was interested to see how Ryan would be after treating his body like a bottle recylcling bin. I feel obliged to put in a good word for him with the female contingent in Sheffield, he didn’t look too bad at all and once he fixes his gap tooth he’ll look very similar to a member of one of those boy bands, 1 Direction etc.

The following day was our last for climbing. We walked in and thought to warm up climbing up and down the start of Peaceline. After we both did this Ryan took off for a proper go. I’d warned him a few times with dark humour that if he fell off the crux he would gain enough velocity to knock the rest of his teeth out like seen in the old Roadrunner cartoons. The footage I’d seen of Rciky on it had made me sweat thinking about being up there. Not dicking about at the crux Ryan slapped the arête and crucifixed bundled his feet right before trying to slap into an undercut.

Parting company with the face I was thankful we’d borrowed Oli grounsels ropes as Ryan plummeted back in, landing well. It was pretty obvious that a good landing poise was necessary to avoid being battered by the fall back into the face. I climbed back up and getting near Ryans highpoint I put in a rather inadequate wire, eyed up the big move to the arête and reversed again, not feeling like taking the all too likely plunge when fully lanked in the crucifix.

Ryan leaving the crucifix position on the amazing Peaceline

Ryan went up again and went full throttle again, dropping off I waited for the shit wire to rip and the bugger held. My last go up I’d mentally committed to hitting the arête and managed to get through, with Ryans pushiness rubbing off along with our silent agreement of me placing the gear and Ryan testing it.

Last climb of the trip, The Peaceline

We went into Newcastle for some Guinness to top the trip off. Our thoughts drifted to people who hadn’t made it out and we drank to missing friends. Calum, before he got into adventure modelling. Pete, who will never leave Parisellas cave again. Jack, who had pissed off to France with all the other softies. Bransby, who is just plain useless. The list went on.

Did I deserve a sandbag? What do you think.

For anyone heading out to the Mournes with Divided Years in mind I’d offer the same advice I was given for that final hard move:

“Ye git the big fat f**king pinch, swap feet and lay it on”

Big thanks to DMM for supporting the trip, especially Kat Dunbar and obviously Ricky Bell & Michelle O'Loughlin

The best in the South West.

Pembroke, Gogarth and Lundy are the best UK sea cliffs I've climbed on.

Over the 3 visits I’ve had over the last 12 years many memories stand out:

>Looking down from the crux sequence on Watching the Ocean at my last runner and partner Leanne, wishing I’d put in more rather than face a fall down most of the Diamond. That Steve Findlay did the bugger without chalk shows where Hazel got her granite gecko genes.

>Struggling and cursing to clean the green mariners grass off the crux of the Fifth Ace contemplating backing off with Dan freezing on the belay but with the certainty that Littlejohn would no way back off.

>Drinking whisky in the empty lighthouse on a final night on the island with Neil Youth, Simon Tappin and a gang from Bristol with the rain and wind lashing against the windows.

>Having a pint in the Marisco tavern with Pete Hurley and looking out aghast at the ghostly apparition stumbling down the hill towards us, slow, coughing and looking more dead than alive.....it was Neil Kershaw still recovering from a rave in Swanage.

The Diamond, Lundy. Ben & Adam spying it out.

      I had my first visit in 2003, driving down with Leigh McGinley and Mick Pointon from North Wales we met up with Leanne Callaghan, Wesley Hunter and Adam Wilde in Ilfracombe, bivvying there for the night before getting the ferry the next day to spend a week on Lundy. We ‘partner swapped’ most days and spent a reasonable amount of time getting lost trying to find the correct zawn we wished to climb in often hiking back up steep grass slopes.

    I was pretty taken with the Diamond at the time and can say that for technical and bold climbing it is a world class venue giving climbing which feels akin to routes like Bachar Yerian in Toulomne Meadows. Some of the bolder climbs can feel unnerving when you see a small hole where a bolt used to be, letting you know there may be trouble ahead.

   We took in lots of classics across a spectrum of difficulties including: Satans Slip, Darkpower, Indy 500, Cullinan, Ex-Cathedra, Olympica and most routes on the Diamond. Some of the things that impressed me about Lundy were: the variety of climbing, the number of Gibson routes, Steve Findlay doing Watching the Ocean without chalk and the solo ascents made by Dave Thomas. It was at this time as Nic Sellers completed the hardest climb on the island, Amygdala, being both hard and amazing looking, it unfortunately fell down recently with half the zawn.

   On the final day myself and Mick Pointon were on a belay in the Devils Limekiln to attempt a new line between the 2 existing routes, The Exorcist and the Antichrist. I’d soloed the first and the 2nd had felt quite easy but my vague memory of the new one was that it was serious. Halfway up I called down to Mick a few times as every time the ropes hit the face bits of loose rock seemed to go down and I was concerned he’d been hit. After what felt like an eternity he answered my calls and I continued to the steep grass and the top. I don’t have much desire for this type of climb nowadays as at the time I saw old age as similar to London, a place I’d prefer not to go.

Micks car broke down on the journey home and we eventually made it back to Llanberis in a RAC van.

Olympica

The 2nd trip involved one of the enigmas of British climbing, Neil Dicksen. We set off down in one of the worst vehicles I’ve owned, a small Fiat Panda I’d bought off Jim Hughes. We were overly keen on the journey down and tried to climb at Dinbren where it rained, on to Llanymynych where it also rained and on to Ilfracombe.

   The climbs prior to this trip involving Neil had a similar theme. Neil would go for a lead, take a terrifying fall and end up seconding. This trip was the start of his body catching up with his imagination and in the following years he repeated loads of the hard Lundy routes as well as adding his own, culminating in a very serious lead of Hey Gringo without its 5 bolts giving what sounds like a granite version of Indian Face, Quetzalcoatl, on the serious Black Wall.

   He always made me think about how close to your physical limit you can take it on routes where a fall on much of the climbing would be serious or terminal, possibly the best person I’ve seen at breaching this instinct led gap with Nick Wharton also coming to mind. It is a curious mindset for the more dangerous routes or indeed why people climb them at all, through ignorance, escapism, for acclaim, mental absorption, a tick, a ‘spiritual retreat’, meditation or even just to give death the middle finger when you top out. There is always a fine line between confidence/adventure and arrogance/misadventure, the person who pushed their boundaries and the person who overstepped them.

   A friend was at North Stack Wall on Gogarth a few years ago with a group of handy foreign climbers and the general theme was that they didn’t understand or desire to get on the routes. It made me laugh as John Redhead knew how to keep people from his climbs and although The Bells The Bells is an iconic route it will rarely get climbed each decade. The Black Wall on Lundy is comparable to North Stack seeing more Mariners Grass than climbers. Having minimal impact on the rock face may mean you have to risk making an impact, no pun intended Hazel. It’s worth remembering that it’s not that many years ago when most climbs were comparable with the North Stack climbs for danger, having the odd sling for gear but knowing you should never fall.

   We didn’t do anything dramatic during the week but had a great time. On the first day after climbing Metamorphosis and Emergency Ward Ten we abbed in to Two Legged Zawn. Neil led the first pitch of Voyage of the Acolyte and I set off up behind being impressed with his lead as conditions weren’t ideal. Nic Sellers and Harry nine toes had joined us in the zawn and had set off up The Dog Bollox, a Nick White and Foster masterpiece.

   The sun beat down on us and having both attempted the 2nd pitch but without the necessary commitment we were back on the belay. I looked down forlornly to our bags which attached to the abseil rope were now wafting about submerged in the sea. The Sellers/Pennels team were having a similarly difficult time, having given up on the original plan we were a blockage to their nearest exit so they traversed leftwards into the next route beyond and I think ended up carrying on going somewhere out left. Once the sun had left the face we continued to the top, impressed with the Dave Pegg and Thomas route. The week continued in a similar vein with the youth making a bold statement by missing out any bolts found on certain pitches and me feeding him out loose if I thought he might struggle seconding. After a good last night celebrating I left him on the island and headed back to North Wales where I learned that chumming on Lundy was poor preparation for the Pedol Peris fell race with Noel Crane. Neil continued his good form when I’d left, climbing the awesome arête high in Two Legged Zawn, naming it The Penitent Man. The main route I’d wanted to try was still there to go back for, Nick Whites and Dave Thomas’s: The Flying Dutchman.

Adam & Ben on The Dogs Bollox, Two Legged Zawn. The Penitent Man tackles the arete

   Roll on 2015 and the most recent trip to Lundy. A ‘Stag week’.

The journey down included a nice variety of UK climbing. Starting on the Diamond in North Wales I blagged a lift with Bransby to the Peak and had a day out on Staff grit doing Painted Rumour and Caesarian with POD and Angeles before heading down to Pembroke with Dan Mcmanus. The highlight of Pembroke was doing a Gary Gibson classic on the outside of the Cauldron, Dreaming Again has 2 exceptional pitches with the top being a crack next to an arête and should be regarded as one of the best in Britain with good protection. We did do a new route on the Green Bridge which though it covers impressive terrain became less and less wholesome as height was gained, like many institutions.

   We managed to find the worst possible bivvy on the drive down to the ferry the night before and I received a disappointing txt off one of the organisers of the week who had decided to bale last minute. I forget the main gist of the txt, something about busy being a full time donor of something or other.

   It was a fine little crew who made it down. Adam Long had dragged Bransby along, Lee Roberts and John Orr, Wesley Hunter and the Sheffield contingent of Pete Hurley, Ryan Pasquill, Neil Kershaw and Rob Clifton all fresh from a rave in Swanage. When they were kids I used to pick Pete and Ryan up from Lancashire to do trips to the Peak and Wales and it was obvious none of us had grown up too much.

   However unhealthy I was during the stag week when contrasted to some members who had been to the rave I felt like a fad-diet-yoga-training-health-climber that you find around Sheffield. When Ryan started telling me about his 3 week training plan when he got back to Sheffield I just nodded and drifted away to Ben Eltons revelation of TTO in his book; Stark, about poisoning planet Earth. Ryans foundation before his training appeared to be built around an embodiment of TTO: Total Toxic Overload.

Dan feeling relaxed on The Dogs Bollox

     On the first day most teams headed down to the Battery, Dan and Wez headed up the Cullinan and I bouldered to warm up and watched proceedings as 2 more teams headed up in a line on the Cullinan. Later on I jumped on The Flying Dutchman keen to get the main event out of the way as my first route of the trip. It didn’t disappoint and the guidebook saying it’s one of the finest hard routes in the south west is no understatement. There are a few pegs which help show the line with good gear to back them up. It’s a better single pitch route than Dalriada and should be on any granite devotees ticklist, though I don’t think it possible for anybody shorter than say...5 foot 3 but theres a gauntlet.

   I think Adam Long would have to get the prize of the most psyched climber, doing classics all over the island with his 2nd generation grit skills coming into play and giving Bransby no respite. Widespread Ocean of Fear and Antiworlds got numerous ascents. Dan did a fine lead on The Dogs Bollocks which again received a few ascents, giving brilliant, sustained and well protected bridging. There was an awful lot of talk about trying the Penitant man from one member of the party but an effort never materialised!

   It never ceases to amaze me how many good hard climbs Gary Gibson put up in both Pembroke and Lundy. The final 2 days involved 2 of them. We climbed American Werewolf on Lundy, a brilliant and positive face climb before heading over for the Fifth Ace in Deep Zawn. Dan did a good lead on a slightly damp and dirty 1st pitch and I led the top pitch after getting over a bout of TDS on the somewhat dirty crux. I was pretty close to backing off but having seen Littlejohn in action on the Lleyn once I knew he’d of gone for it and was determined not to let Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome get the better of me. It feels a bit like a turbo version of Comes the Dervish but on granite, definitely deserving of some traffic.

   The final day me and Wez headed down to the Black cliff and did Intensive Scare before heading over to join Dan on the Battery to try The Flying Dutchman. We finished the trip by doing this again although not without a near miss of replicating Nick Whites big fall at the end of the runout near the top due to ‘being spent’.

Dan hiding on the 1st rest on The Flying Dutchman

Dan & Wez on Supernova, Deep Zawn

Later on the festivities began in the Marisco Tavern. Some of the evening is best forgotten but it did provide a name for our new route on the Green Bridge in Pembroke, Absinthe.

The following day Adam, Ben, Ryan and Rob climbed Olympica and some of us just spectated.

Some general thoughts on this last day were:

Lundy has a ton of really great climbs.

Paul Harrison did a great job of the guidebook and I can see why he loves Lundy.

Dunne and Birkett have missed a trick as there is a lot of potential for new big lines.

Littlejohn and the clean hands gang were correct, for most routes if they are chalked deduct a grade from the guidebook one, so much easier to read and commit to.

Mariners Grass is very pretty but can be a real pain for finding holds.

Ryan should give his body to an immunology research lab.

I’ll be going back next year.

In mid October this year I was fortunate enough to have a week in Pedriza on invite from Manuel Cordova and Jesus Garcia Frances. In the mid 90s I used to see the odd article about Pedriza but for the last decade it has fallen off the radar and I had some reservations about going there rather than the standard limestone cliffs. Some of my main concerns were that there weren’t going to be many routes, they were going to be all desperate polished slabs and that I was going to get sandbagged. These turned out to be a foolish as the place was phenomenal, having great views, everything from overhanging faces to ridiculously easy angled slabs, great bouldering, vultures and several lifetimes’ worth of climbing to do and development left to occur. Just before going out I had spoken with Johnny Dawes about the area and he had warned that some of the 6b+s were old school and desperate, these words came back to haunt me a few days later.

Dani on El Bodeguero

Having arrived in Madrid I was kindly picked up by top alpinist Manuel Cordova. Pedriza lies an hour North from the biggest city in Spain above a lovely town called Manzaneres el Real. We stayed in a small town nearby, Soto del Real. Each day would have a similar framework for food, we’d have toast at eight in the morning, Manu would have a small banana (3inch by 1) and a cereal bar (114Kcal) for lunch, I would have twice as much as Manu and we’d eat a main meal about ten or after at night.
We spent the first 2 days on El Reloj (the clock) which offers vertical crimping style routes of between 20 and 30 metres in length, all of top quality, some of the best we did here were:
Codan el barbaro 6a+
El Bodeguero 6c+
Metal Y Tan 7b
Orquidea salvaje 8a.

On the 3rd day we went to an area which was the ‘real deal’ of slab climbing and one which I’d not experienced considering I’ve climbed a lot on granite and slate. On the Placas Principales, sector derecho o muro superior.
   It felt like a shorter bolted version of Etive slabs. We had two more members of the team Aitor, top guy, climber, local, filmmaker and Dario who directs Desnivel which as well as being the main Spanish climbing magazine is a huge mountain bookshop in the centre of Madrid.
    Aitor recommended a route called Azul de Samarcanda a 6b+ diagonal line as a warm up! Aitor lent me encouragement on the first 3m I managed to clip the 2nd bolt with relief and thought back to Dawes words. It had felt like an e4 6b and although I’d felt good on an 8a and 8a+ I’d done the prior day I knew I was in for a Pedriza kicking at this new and very different venue.
    The 2nd warm up Semilla Negra, 7a+ felt like a grit e6 6c. The next was Jartum, 7b+/c which felt like an e7 6c which is ridiculous as the bolts were really close together! La Llambria, 7c+/8a felt much the same in terms of lack of security and by the end of the day I felt mentally drained from the feeling of possibly falling off nearly every move all day.

Aitor looking over the Sector derecho o muro superior

Aitor suggested that they feel more secure if it is 5 degrees cooler and I mentioned I’d be keen to go somewhere with grips the next day. Later that night we headed to the Desnivel bookshop in the centre of Madrid where I wished I’d spent more time on Duolingo before dithering through a presentation. The Main Square in Madrid is a five minute walk from Desnivel and myself and Manu strolled there afterwards for a late night paella.

Elena on Vickie el Vikingo, 8a+, Pelaez de Yemas is the left hand rib

The following day we went to an area with a different style again: Risco de la Peseta. Starting on some great 30m slab pitches on the lower tier before going to an area with some great lines. I found it difficult to gauge the angle but Aitor had assured me there were holds on the climbs here as I was keen to use my upper limbs. Aitor was keen for me to try a classic 8a+ called the Pelaez de Yemas . Getting up it without slipping off felt something of a miracle and if Aitor mentions there are holds on routes I wouldn’t expect any good crimps. If anyone enjoys classic climbs on the slate such as the Medium they would do well to pay this sector a visit.

Elena on Vickie el Vikingo

Aitana on Puro Barrio with the 7a crack on the left

   That night we were joined by Pedro Pons (Boreal team manager) and Nuria along with Ignaci and Sara. The last time I’d seen them was at their lovely guest house overlooking Chulilla. It had been a rather noisy last night in Chulilla and it tested my Spanish to the limit to try and palm that whole evening off onto Jordan and Nathan but I think I managed it.
   The following day involved an hours’ drive to meet up with many other climbers including Luiz Munoz, Jesus, Carlos Lagrono and Nacho Sanchez. We went to a pretty impressive limestone bouldering venue which certainly pisses over any I’ve seen in Britain. There were some strong scenes, none of which involved me and I was instantly missing the slabs of Pedriza. People more than 6 foot 5 were trying a font 8b dyno which did look impossible. It was great to see Pedro looking steely strong, Carlos romping up an 8b and Nacho nearly doing a rather chunky looking font 8c with the last deadpoint to a mono looking particularly hard. I would have liked to have had Dan Varian and Ned there to do some ‘team sends’.
   The following day with a much smaller team we headed to El Muro (E). This face offers yet different climbing again being a steep slab and offering climbing which feels just off vertical with some normal holds here and there. The top routes we did here were:
Puro Barrio 6a+
La Raya del Luis, 7a+
La Mana de Espana, 7a crack
La Correvuela, 8a

La Correvuela

La Correvuela was probably the best route of the trip and is like a shorter and more difficult version of The Indian Face climbing lots of Shallow Scoops but with thankfully plenty of bolts.
Later that day Dario made the funniest comment of the trip saying how there were lots of charismatic climbers in Britain. He obviously hadn’t spent much time in Sheffield, although with improvements in stem cell therapy there is hope yet. Dario put a few short videos of some of the climbs online which Mark Reeves commented were some of the most exciting climbing videos he’d ever seen?

The final day we had some bad weather and utilized the excellent Climb rocodromo where Manu showed me how easily he could crack out a load of 1 arm pull ups and Carlos, Alfonso and Luiz were lapping up 1,5,9s on the campus. I gave another talk at this wall on that night and big up to these super strong guys, Jesus and crew for coming along and giving up part of their evening. Me, Manu and Luiz went for the biggest burgers in Spain at the ‘Pirates Bar’. I’d been struggling to sleep for much of the week so that last night decided to scroll through the internet looking for the most boring reading I could find, I eventually settled on Nick Bullocks Blog and was out in seconds.
Aitor had been our main friend/guide of the trip and he had suggested that spending a winter there would be a good idea, if the opportunity arises in a couple of years I’ll certainly endeavour to do this. We didn’t get to one of the major slabs where the brilliant looking Artherencia lies which looks as good a slab as I’ve seen. For climbing a great deal of stunning granite I can’t think of anywhere better in the world. It has a huge number of slabs, faces, corners and cracks, mainly single pitch that are well bolted with a good guidebook for the single pitch routes, unlike Yosemite. Aitor seemed to know of a huge number of stunning looking projects from 8b to 9a scattered around.

Luiz and Manu

I’d highly recommend it for anyone wanting to improve on granite, improve footwork or just go to hang out in a lovely spot with a friendly atmosphere.
Big thanks to Manu for looking after me, Jesus for sending me, Aitor for being a legend, Paulo for getting me and Manu into a posh party in Madrid, Pedro for keeping me with Boreal and everyone who came to the presentations given in the worst Spanish imaginable.

Great effort from Mcmanus and Pwiddy on the Secret Passage in Yosemite as well, it sounds a serious outing.

Sunshine, blue skies, shorts on and sat at the base of Dinas Cromlech on a Saturday in the middle of summer. Next to me sat Emma Twyford who I first started climbing with in the mid 90s in the Lakes. The cliff is one of the better ones of its type in the UK and I was surprised to see Dinas Mot on the opposite side also empty. On the boulders in the valley bottom lay most of the climbers in the Llanberis Pass.
Climbing has certainly changed a lot over the last 20 year. I don’t know which has been the strangest occurrence although rumour of Dave Macleod losing loads of weight living on cheesecake and butter is certainly up there. Training for climbing and trying one project has in many circles become more popular than the actual activity along with moaning about minor injuries.
Earlier in the year there was some debate about wether the UK had any world class routes and I thought it was ludicrous. The UK has tons and it’s often the history, character and landscapes of the routes which make them so special.

On this day at the Cromlech we’d just done Lord of the Flies, once at the limit of my ambitions it had become the rest day outing and having done considerably more climbing worldwide since first climbing it in the 90s I can say it’s exceptional. Admittedly most of the routes here are much smaller than those found on the ‘great cliffs’ of the world but for their size, enjoyment and variety I can’t think of anywhere better, nor indeed of as good a climbing scene.
There are climbs which rival those found on el cap, Longhope direct is the UKs version of Salathe wall, Etive slabs, Shelterstone and Dubh Loch could be some of the smaller cliffs in Yosemite valley. Gogarth and Pembroke offer as good a sea cliff adventures as to be found anywhere in the world.
Climbing has given me a huge amount, the majority of my best experiences have involved it in some way or other and the majority of the climbing I do and have done is trad climbing. Seeing the fairly empty cliffs quite often I do wonder if it’s something of a ‘dying out’ element of climbing. I think this would be somewhat sad and would highly recommend anyone who has given it any thought to give it a go. If I could give every keen youth from a less affluent background the skills, equipment and opportunity to go out and do some classic trad climbs I would do so. I’ve done a lot of both sport and trad climbing over the years and the easiest classic trad routes I’ve done still mean a lot more to me than the hardest sport routes I’ve done although an ascent of Little Chamonix is unlikely to get you much acclaim. A good thing about the easy trad routes is that you can enjoy them again and again.

Ryan Pasquil, the super ned beneath The Great Escape

A trip to Arran in May was destined to be the main trip of the year with John Dunnes route The Great escape being the goal. The plan was set with Ryan Pasquill, Ben, Dan Mcmanus, Dan Varian, Adam Long and Ray wood when a last minuter invited himself on the trip. I was very nervous about the stowaway as first impressions were of one of those highly spoiled, cham trustafarian types who often deserve a smack in the face until proven otherwise. When he mentioned he was keen for the guide scheme my suspicions deepened as the main test for this scheme is to measure the size of your ego to check if it’s of equivalent size to a sperm whale. But... Tom Livingstone ended up being not too bad.
The trip was a general success but as me and Ryan did the Great Escape on the first day through a mixture of celebrations and the weather our performance on the trip was a line graph going downwards.

Looking down the Glen Rosa valley with Ryan high on Sleeping Crack

The Great Escape itself was an incredible route, Chir Mor and Sleeping crack offered brilliant climbing and views back down the Glen Rosa valley with the mound of Ailsa Craig prominent in the distance. Chir Mhor and the nearby area had a lot of potential for new routes. We just did the one, a new E7 right of Sleeping Crack which involved a leap for a huge chickenhead and a wiggy couple of slab moves to leave it. I’ve only just named it, Chickenhead Spread. The naming of the routes is often more fun than the climbs themselves.
Bransby pulled a big block off on the first day taking the biggest lob, Varian put up a new and good looking v12 and as usual Ryan drank more than anyone else.

Dan having flopped onto the top of Combined Energy

I’ve rarely been into new routing as I enjoy doing the existing ones. This year has been quite different. On the commute back from Manchester to North Wales I listened to the radio about 2 black holes colliding and scientists measuring the gravitational waves from it. Something struck a chord and the resulting route Gravity Wave is actually a great route which Emma made an exceptional ascent of as setting off on a route graded harder than e7 without pre inspection is still a rarity in UK climbing and which normally happens on the usual bunch of climbs which are ‘sporty’ in nature or have 100 online videos choreographing every move.
Since then I’ve been looking at many of the bits of rock I was curious about for years with a clear intention of trying to climb them and I’ve been looking at North Wales and some other areas in a different light. It’s yielded about 14 new climbs this year with hardly having to look very far for them.
   The Pass, Tremadog, Ogwen, Pembroke and particularly Gogarth which has given 4 very good hard routes ranging from the perfectly protected Divided Britain to the very adventurous Combined Energy. The last one being of particularly high quality which was found on a trip to Gogarth after a fight up a George smith e6 called Fishura, a sizable roof crack with chimneying contortions, flopping onto the top I had scars over my back and felt I’d spent a week with a s and m dominatrix. I set up the belay, drank from my flask and grinned at how little fun calum would have seconding it. I looked at a quartz jug at the apex of the arch and thought about how wild a lip traverse to gain it would be if it was possible, the overhanging groove above looked like it could be a total shitfest or amazing.
   A few days later on a Wednesday night me and dan mcmanus went and tried it. We each gave it a lead attempt and got to the quartz jug at the apex of the arch. The usual scenes of getting pumped, damp rock and gear ripping were involved. We gave up as it got late and I headed off to work in Manchester. All day in work on the Friday I was thinking about it wondering if the groove at the top was doable. That evening I met up with dan in bangor and we shot to the cliff near porth dafarch. I went up first and gaining the quartz jug I tussled up to the crux in the groove above which keeps you on your toes to the end. Dan did it first go as well having a similar tussle with the final overhanging groove. The name helping to consummate our relationship!
    On the drive back across Anglesey one of the best finishes to climbing at gogarth is the panoramic view of the mountains with crib goch often standing out. We went for celebration drinks at the heights still chatting shit about the climb. It was the best of the new ones covering unlikely ground and feeling adventurous. I haven’t been able to get enough of Gogarth this year in terms of a place to hang out on an evening as well as the varied climbs to be found there.

The rather damp new route, Eve Mc Dangermouse. Gogarth

Eve on 7 Types of Angularity

The last new route at Gogarth was climbed with Eve Lancashire, a black groove which looked like it could have been tough but with a sinker right where you needed it to give a fun short E5 which we named Eve McDangermouse. It’s been good to climb with Eve Lancashire who with sister Gwen give the strongest trad climbing sisters the UK has ever seen and it’s been refreshing climbing with someone who is keener on climbing than training. It’s worth remembering that many of the UKs top sport climbers very rarely climb above E5 without use of a top rope and if they do it normally involves a cameraman to capture the rarity so being able to onsight E5/6 on a variety of different rock types is a bigger deal than the modern media often makes out. I’ve found it interesting that recently people have been taking the ‘sport grade’ of a trad route as everything whereas there are lots of trad routes which are French 7a that are considerably harder leads than trad routes which are 8a or harder but have good gear. Precariousness, blind moves, lichen, loose rock and danger all play a big part amongst many other factors.
Going back to Eve Lancashire.
Eve is a brilliant and exceptional trad climber but also possibly the most dangerous climber I’ve climbed with. It’s tricky to know exactly where to start, lobbing off the top of Rare Lichen having missed out the best RP to protect that section was quite ‘out there’ and not wearing a helmet on Swanage due to having a truly shit role model nearby. But, perhaps Catatonia gives the best example. We arrived at gogarth late and somewhat cloudy and damp we get on an E5 called Catatonia after doing a classic E6 called Sea Witch. I lead the first 6a pitch and she seconds in her pink crocks.

Eve going in for Sea Witch

Eve in those bloody crocks

“Good effort Eve, you can get your rock shoes on for the next 5c pitch as your leading”
“No, I’m wearing these”
“I’d get your boots on”
“James Mcbullshit I’m wearing these”
I stared at her incredulously, kind of liking her attitude even if I was getting ripped into by some kind of super mouse for offering sage advice. She duly led the pitch fine and I was impressed and unnerved by the show. I presumed she was just bored and I can empathise with that having spent time with the likes of Calum, Hazel and Doylo.
   Of danger in climbing I could write a good few essays. When I was younger I used to seek out the serious routes which had a big history and reputation and I was after pushing myself into desperation to see what I could do when right at the edge. I had a set of other principles which were also on the less healthy side, those ones I will take to the grave. The younger I was the more dangerous the moments were. Dave Kells asked once if I ever thought I was going to die and I was shocked he’d asked as I think I was into treble figures by that point.
   I still remember the closest time though. I’d been climbing a year or 2. I set off walking down Borrowdale in October as an angry 16 year old with the intent to solo Greatend Corner on Greatend crag. I remember feeling highly dislocated from ‘normal’ society, a sentiment I imagine some people can empathise with in the current climate where racism, lying and bullying are traits that will carry some bastards far.
   The climb was dirty and wet and I soon got pushed leftwards, after nearly falling 3 times I arrived cold and a bit strained on the ledge beneath the top pitch of Banzai Pipeline. That was too wet and I knew I was properly stuffed. I set off upwards into unknown ground picking a line of weakness, pumped, struggling, slapping and trying as hard as I could I was still unfortunately parting company with the rock when the ‘breeze’ pushed me back in where by some good grace a good hold came in reach and the top soon after. I’m in no way religious but the moment would certainly have given Dawkins pause for thought. Having been back since I’ve never quite worked out where the hell I went but it was right at the limit of my ability at that point, probably beyond it. There were other moments where the wind played a part in avoiding disaster but never quite as near the edge, even from 1000s of solos in the Lakes and Wales. There was a moment when Emma Twyford was younger on Greatend crag when it appeared a breeze also saved her.
So, Eve I’d like you to receive some more sage advice from a fellow climber who can be dangerous, and I’d like any person who climbs with you to tell you the same;
wear your helmet, get in loads of gear (it’s good for getting you fit), consolidate through the classics of the grades, stick knots in the end of your ab rope and use a prussock, concentrate when your climbing- especially on not pulling holds off. If your thinking about Indian Face do The Medium, Ambassador and even Face Mecca beforehand as stepping stones. Meet your partners on time and put your rock shoes on for E5s. The last critical point of safety is to remember to never, ever nick my shades. I wouldn’t give this advice to people I didn’t like. If Farage and Trump got into climbing Id get them on Indian Face as soon as possible, I’d bring my popcorn and offer to belay with a big Cheshire cat smile on my face “it’s this way gents”, but I’m not one to fantasize.

Looking down the poky Run of the Arrow to sophie

On a different note is the Extreme Rock book. I think there is potential to finish off the ones I’ve not done by the end of next year although it would require a concerted effort and luck with the weather and finding a way through the odd pitch which has fallen down such as the 3rd pitch on Cougar. I have an appointment with Neil Foster to do the last one I have left in Wales. The majority of the routes I’ve done so far have been exceptional.
The last one on a recent trip to Scotland made me think about the history of the climb and was more testing than I would have expected, no offence to Murdo. Setting off on the main pitch on Run of the Arrow I had my trainers on my harness and was expecting a quick run up a classic e6, not quite as cocky as it sounds as I’ve done a few 100 of this grade and normally get up them first go although I’ve found an easy way of finding fear is to set off on them when very tired or hungover.
Dinwoodie had onsighted to the high flake on it on a 1st ascent effort and then managed to scrape in a wire somehow and make an epic retreat. Later on Pete Whillance abseiled the climb and then did it.
My guidebook said many wires in the cracks on the face, I got 2 ok RPs next to each other which and the sequence above felt E6 leading to easier climbing and the end of the good feet. I did ponder for a few minutes there. I knew Pete Whillance would have had a fag where I was and carry on regardless of facing a fall which I thought you’d be very luck to survive. I was pretty impressed Dinwoodie had got to this point without knowing anything about the level of climbing or gear he faced which must have been one of the pushiest efforts of the time.
I eventually climbed higher to get in an RP and reversed back to make the grim move to get gear in the lower bit of the flake where I didn’t actually get anything useful in. I extended the top RP miles to stop it coming out with rope drag and eventually committed to the 6b moves up left. I spoke with Tony Stone later who said I’d missed some key sideways stopper but either way I didn’t clock it and as a lead without the bashed in wires it felt more dangerous than many E7s I’d done, quite like the routes found on north stack. Dan Vajzovic got off lightly as he was close to getting guided up it the week before but his boots looked a bit too crap.

Dan beneath the Devils Blade with the Devils Kitchen in the distance

I didn’t manage to get out and reccy the Welsh 100 until August. I had a day out which was the first time on that style in half a year and I actually felt the best I’d been for more than a decade moving fast and confidently over 15 to 20 routes it felt like what I had in mind would be possible. I booked off the 6th September as annual leave for it which was my only window due to work but the weather was shit so June next year will be the next opportunity. I’d like to do it as homage to many of the classic routes in the area and particularly Joe Brown who did the first ascent of many of the climbs which I have on my list.
Whilst reccying the route I’d take from Rampart corner to the cromlech I did find a gem at the opposite end of the climbing spectrum. A new highball arête. I must have walked near the thing a hundred times on MLs but I looked at it with a modern eye and knew if the high pockets were ok it would be climbable. I’m not generally the keenest boulderer but I do love arêtes and it rekindled a desire for bouldering I’d not had since climbing Careless Torque a few times in 2010 when I worked out a short person sequence on careless torque for the start and the finish and me and bransby did it within 5 minutes of each other with Ron Fawcett giving us the thumbs up down in Hathersage afterwards. One of the better days I’ve had on the grit was repeating it again after doing Unfamiliar and finishing on the arêtes above. Although not quite as striking a line as Careless it is up there with it in terms of quality climbing and is a great spot to hang out. The Devils Blade. It’s possibly a bit harder than Careless as well.

Knife Life on the side of Sub Cneifion with Mcmanus and Heslden

Finishing on a highball is appropriate as my next trip will be the person I most associate with nails ones, Dan Varian. In October we are hoping to visit Skye Wall and Sron Ulladale but the weather will inevitably dictate the play. The face I cleaned up on Cloggy in early July is looking like it will have to be a rite of spring.

The mars one programme had seemed so far fetched at first. I couldn’t really believe people were going to commit to it and they would need to lack any form of sanity for even considering it. Imagine leaving Earth forever, never to see rivers, forests or friends again. To live a shortened life in small cabins buried under soil to protect from radiation. Lunacy...

I got to the base of the abseil and looked across at one of the most impressive sea cliffs in Wales. Calum had gotten down just before me and was warming up doing some 1 arm pull ups on a small crimp edge before slapping himself in the face to psyche himself up.
We were there to try ‘the hardest trad project in the UK’, a free version of Giant. I led up and linked the first 2 pitches to a poor belay beneath the huge main roof. Calum came up and we stared out across the heinous, evil looking and loose roof. Calum eventually set off, placing 5 pieces of poor pro in the roof he set off on a horrendous traverse across the overhang,right foot heel hooking, slapping between monos, terrible slopers and micro crimps. Fifteen metres out from the batch of poor gear just before there appeared to be an easing he cut loose on some kind of pinch flake, with only 1 hand in contact with the rock he began to lock it in when suddenly, boom the flake exploded! We both screamed as he began his descent, down he flew in a huge falling arc like a ginger Icarus. After 40 metres of falling the rope went tight and my anchors ripped out swinging me out into space, we were both hanging off the poor pro, 2 bit ripped and as we both swung back into the rock we grabbed hold. We both scampered back to the belay and started replacing the remnants of the belay as best we could.
Calum recharged with a can of red bull and after a short rest went for it again. Blasting across the roof to his high point he did a dyno straight into a figure 4 off a small edge, he was struggling and a fall from here would be certain death for both of us
“you fucking bastard caff you’ve let me down, you’ve fucking let me down”
“Just think of Gabby Calum and go for it”
After a few more curses he managed to reel in the fig4 lock allowing him to gain a small shelf and thankfully a good belay above the main ‘huge’ overhang. On seconding the pitch I thought it at least 8c on loose rock and certain death for both member of the party if the leader fluffs the end dyno figure 4 sequence. Thankfully my pitch leading to the top was a good few grades easier of E9 or so. We named the climb ‘The Giantest’ and thought even ethical Lleyn pundits such as long and bransby would have no cause for concern with the style of ascent which meant I wouldn’t have to throttle their friend Pete Robins to tell him how dead they are as another keen activist had been forced to do.

Calum showing the strain after the ascent

Cilan main

Next up was a month trip in Spain.
I was climbing with my good friend, Si o’ Con Gatkins. Arriving at Oliana I warmed up flashing Fish Eye, I always knew it wouldn’t be too hard as my mate Hazel had gotten up it and she normally just lazes about doing very little. After that myself and Si checked out the moves on Dura Dura, some of them did seem tricky. However the following day I managed to do it 1st redpoint. Chris and Adam obviously hadn’t done enough hard limestone routes, I missed out the 2 crux moves via a quantum, counter rotational ‘chalk and blow halfway through’ deadpoint, the rest was piss. Punters. Si just spent the day doubting that thing Nalle did was as hard as his own blocs and slagging off the guy who appeared in Blocheads alot as being weak as piss. He also put chalk on some real nano holds at the base which I presumed would form a near impossible traverse.
The main event came after a rest day. After climbing through the crux on the Dura Dura I broke right via a sustained sequence to join Papichulo at its crux, after doing this I broke right again into the crux of Pachamama before tracking way back left to take in many more cruxes on the wall. I’d gotten the name ready, the Dura Pachamodafuka face and possibly hard 9c. I was reasonably chuffed and as I was lowering off I expected a shout of congratulations from Gatkins but he just said routes were shit and didn’t have any hard moves on them. Cheeky bastard I thought.
I retorted as I was being lowered telling him it had been clinically proven that people who climb routes are cleverer than boulderers, besides which it looked to be almost inversely proportional to ability, giving Doyle as proof.

Oliana

This must have hit a nerve as he almost dropped me the final 20 Metres and as I landed hard an altercation ensued. After his powerful first hits I thought I was done for as I was still blasted from the 9c but luckily the endurance jabs won in the end and when Gatkins was fully down I embraced my inner bastard and snapped his tooth brush leaving it on his unconscious body. It had become apparent to the other parties at the cliff that we were brits with the hateful behaviour making it crystal clear. I gave everyone a smile, pretending to be nice in case it effected any future sponsorship deals. Even the Tories who would have all terminally ill Grandmothers working 15 hour days, 7 days a week in Sports Direct until they drop dead were seen as normal in the current UK climate which was some consolation to me for acting like a sod.
Whilst Gatkins lay moaning I updated my Instagram with some selfies I’d managed to take mid cruxes. When he came round we made friends again and after an hour I rechecked my Instagram and couldn’t bloody believe it, it had only got 500 likes, Hazel got 4 times that with some truly naff lifestyle pics. I put it on twitter as well, hoping nobody found it as vacuous as what two friends had been putting on it in the last year which was akin to a story about a real life Barbie and Ken.
Having gotten bored of Oliana we moved south to Santa Linya. Neanderthol, a 9b in the middle of it was the obvious choice and after a quick work it went first go, possibly the 3rd ascent as I think it got repeated by some chap called hacov sherbert but I’m pretty certain he used an inferior sequence, probably only 9a+. The other routes in the cave looked to easy to bother with so we left.
Arriving at Margalef First Round First Minute really suited my style so I did it much faster than the other 9bs, probably 40 minutes or so. I had to admit I was pretty tired after this few days of climbing so needed an easy day the day after so just did Era Vella. That guy J Christ was right about it, it really was piss, probs only 8b, Barrows must have over cooked it on his anal cap regime to say it was tough.
Updating my twitter feed afterwards I noticed expedition grants being given out for ‘snow plodders’. I’d always harboured ill feeling towards these grants being given to useless toffs with cheat sticks who go away for a big hurrah and bring back tales of daring do but generally don’t actually need the money. I thought about writing into the organisation awarding the grants to say they’d be better off giving it to my mate Calum rather than the toffs but figured you’d have to be proper dick to write such an email, although I had heard of this behaviour from some individuals of low moral fibre.
At Margalef it was great to see a youth sport climbing team being overseen by one of the new super sport coaches employed by Sports England as part of the IFSCs matrix. Using his coaching eye app and punching data into another computer he shouted out positive and shrewd advice to the team members. John Redhead was really taking to his role in a big way and I couldn’t wait to see the fruits of his efforts. As we left I heard him shouting, faster, higher, stronger...
After a fairly busy week we moved on to Siurana, the final part of the trip. The roads between the 2 cliffs were bendy so I was glad I wasn’t being driven by a toasted Jehovahs witness.
Arriving at Siurana I had a good 1st day climbing Golpe de Estado and La Rambla. Although La Rambla is a trade route nowadays I was pretty happy to make the first Self belayed ascent, having to do many of the cruxes with only 1 hand. On lowering off the latter and arriving on the ground I saw something which completely blew me away, an astounding sight. I literally couldn’t believe my eyes on what was surely Tom Randalls greatest coaching achievement.
The figure I was seeing was unmistakeable, leaving a bat hang rest in Kalea Borroka he set off waltzing through the crux on Estado Critico. I had thought he would have gone to join the fight against IS but hadn’t thought he would have lasted long in his normally ‘out of shape’ form where surely most 5 year old jihads could have caught up and captured him. This was a new man, an ubermensch. On reaching the chains having achieved a clean lead Andy Kirkpatrick shouted down to his belayer Bear Grylls in delight. Both popularists in their own right they’d teamed up, Andy having swapped his social media campaign for a lattice-bored regime. I gave them both a thumbs up although which digit I offered was a close call.

Andy K feeling Leo for training inspiration

I know I said a month in Spain but I had gotten pretty bored of it after ten days and Si had some projects he was close to which Dan Varian apparently couldn’t even see the holds on. We parted company but still had bruises for remembrance.
I contemplated booking a flight to the States to do Dawn Wall but thought better of it in the end as the Yanks always overhype the difficulty and that skinny Cheq kid seemed to make it out to be pretty piss, I doubted it was as big a deal as Pinch Direct on Etive Slab and certainly not as bold. I was also pretty nervous about the extreme vetting, what exactly does that entail and what do they expect to find up there?
Instead I went back to wales. I headed straight to the Promontory Slab with Johnny, which offers technically the hardest trad pitch in Britain although not as big a lead as the Giantest. It has roughly a v13 starting 8 metres into an 8c slab, Johnny did a fine lead after minimum preparation, full of flamboyance and himself. I also managed to follow cleanly which I was chuffed with as I’d spent a bit of time floundering on a grigri on it in prior years. It gave a 9a trad slab. Johnny wondered why people had to train to climb 9a as he'd only done feet only problems for years which seemed to do the trick.

The day after I went down to lpt to belay Chris Doyle. He set off on Liquid Ambar and looked really smooth with the no solid food diet he’d been on for ten years really standing out, he probably weighed less than Oli. He climbed past the hardest moves and.....

Doylo in a dream?

I woke up, even my subconscious new Doylo getting up LA was improbable, however much time he’d spent hanging on knee bars in Parisellas and Llandulas to miss out hard moves. I’m sure he’d offer me some edited footage at some point and tell me his friend Richie had belayed.
   After 2016 the Mars One programme wasn’t looking as bad an option as I once thought. The thought of Trump and his team of fantasists being given the power to destroy the world in 30 minutes, the talk of world war 3 becoming more prominent combined with the ever looming extreme weather events from global warming and people believing their postcode makes them better ‘hardworking & decent’ than other people. It was starting to look ugly for sure.
   It would have been nice to hang out on Earth a while longer, finishing off the 2 remaining LPT routes so I could email Jez that it’s an easy and outdated crag, polish off extreme rock, solo 100 extremes in North Wales that kind of thing, but staying just sounds too dangerous. I’ll leave my phone here set to send out a few final hate tweets at farage, trump and their band of merry shites.
I’d like to thanks my sponsors for their continued support as I get ready to blast off towards the red planet and I’d like to assure them I’ll make 1st ascents which won’t get a repeat for sometime even from alex legos. There are 2 places left in my escape pod, feel free to apply.

“Would it be the best new route you’ve put up?”
“Bloody hell, it would be”

Thus was the reasoning for trying a rather risky passage and I think it’s fair to say one of the ‘best’ bold wall climbs to be found in the UK. A route which belongs somewhere in the 1980s being technically pretty straight forward but having those classic 6b/c rockovers which become strangely tiring and where a fall leaves plenty for the imagination. I’d slept poorly for much of the trip and could empathise with Edward Nortons character suffering from Insomnia in Fight Club. There were a few thoughts which were reverberating around during the week leading up to and during the ascent of it:
‘Mind blowing, reasonably unjustifiable, somebody in the higher echelons of Equip is a patronising tool, tormented ejaculation, indian face, hellraiser, bolts, massive falls, danger, old age, death, life ‘crossroads’ and desire’
It’s admittedly hard to make one climb sound interesting, myself I enjoy sci-fi, fantasy (not s&m) but I thought I’d give this one a write up as it did give what felt like a fairly powerful experience and after all, this is my piece of the internet so I'll bore you for a minute.

Moon glow on the first trip

Coir’-uisg Buttress is in a stunning location. Arriving at Elgol supplies hopefully a view of the Cuillin ridge where a short ferry journey leads past seals to the landing where a short walk up the river leads to the Loch where the cliff can be seen in the distance.
In 2007 Dave Birkett and Alan Steele put up Skye Wall having been tipped off by Tom Walkington. The pictures of the climb showed it for what it is, one of the UKs great hard wall climbs on immaculate gabbro.
Dan Varian had mentioned he’d be keen to have a trip up to try it and in mid October last year we had the opportunity. Making camp at the far end of the Loch we walked on to the base of the cliff in the evening to size it up and stash some kit. The skies were clear and it felt very warm for mid October. We walked out in the twilight and a near full moon came up and shone a light across the loch. The venue was idyllic and after having finished the busiest month of work for the year it already felt a worthwhile trip just to hangout camping.
The following day was still clear but cooler. We did Skye Wall and a new route to the right which provided a great day out, one of those days where you feel you can’t put a foot wrong. A friend Ken Toms who passed away a few years ago once said that when you are climbing well it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Skye Wall tackles a seam and crack on the right hand side of the face. The big expanse of rock to the left was unclimbed and appeared more featured with grooves and scoops to aim for. We left the morning after but made plans to return to attempt a new line to the left.

Dan with Skye Wall and Skye fall behind

Roll on May 2017 and some exceptional weather, we made our way back to the campsite paradise with 3 more friends, Adam Long, Ben Bransby and Ray Wood. I felt haggardly tired that 1st evening and slept like a log, waking up feeling bouncy I was confident we’d be up at least one new route and probably 2!
Arriving at the base we geared up and Dan led up to a good ledge, I carried on through and after some prospecting a few metres above committed to some sloping ramp moves to gain a steep corner and a belay where this became a roof. This is where we were hoping we could go, the roof looked short and with good gear and would lead into the stunning white groove feature. Looking back down the ropes hung away from the rock and it dawned on me why the last pitch had been trickier than expected.
Two moves across the roof led to a tricky move to gain the white ‘groove feature’. There was more good gear and I was ecstatic with how well it was going, believing it would be slabbing off above and become easier. After climbing up to the next roof and booting a loose flake off I made my way onto the main feature allowing access to the upper wall, a long sloping shelf.
As soon as I gained it the fun feeling left and the nature of the climb changed. There was no gear on the ledge but worse still the wall above appeared steeper and more impregnable than we’d hoped for.
After attempting the 2 most obvious weaknesses I eventually set off up leftwards from the hooks thinking the weakness above would lead to a groove on the left and possible belay.
After getting into a pumpy position I prevaricated in this position to drain the rest of my energy before slapping into the scoop above. Once I was stood in this slight scoop I knew I was screwed and true fear set in for a minute as I realised I’d climbed myself into a cul de sac. It was one of those moments where you felt you haven’t just overcooked the chicken but the bugger is on fire, destroying the kitchen and scaring the neighbors.
After attempting to climb the ‘weakness’ a couple of times I eventually committed to the one of the more terrifying lower offs I’ve been party to, using a shit partially in wire, I was glad I’d been taking it easy on the cakes the month prior. I made it back to the safety of the hooks and lowered down to the belay. We abbed to the ground, I sighed with relief and Dan undoubtedly did the same after being sat at the belay for ages.

The 'Indian Face' pitch

We went to the top of the cliff and abseiled down to the highpoint and I was gutted. It appeared devoid of gear and a quick brush wasn’t going to do the job. The ‘possible belay groove’ had no gear and led nowhere. I retrieved the gear and jugged back up and let Dan go down for a peek.
To say it wasn’t what we were looking for would be an understatement. Skye Wall had apart from one short section low on the 2nd pitch been full of good gear. We’d expected something similar on this. There appeared to be a few cul de sacs where you could get lured and climb yourself into a dead end.
I considered leaving our 1st effort as the highpoint as we’d got to there in a ‘good style’, much like the tormented ejaculation. The dirtiest most filthy word in the traditional British climbing sense is almost certainly ‘bolt’, those things that foreigners and yorkshiremen use. Obviously I’d never place one at my highpoint but did think it would have been a great laugh with all the grief Dave Turnbull and Nick would have gotten, I figured they’d had enough in the last half year or so.
Dan came back up and made his way out. I abbed once more to my highpoint for a last look and noticed a line of edges and sidepulls going almost straight up above where I’d been. Once out I told Dan that after one more abseil of the crux section I thought we could do it and suddenly felt a palpable pressure like a lead weight pressing on my mind. I really was getting too old for this shit, I’d come out for a fun holiday which had turned into some mental necessity to climb the ‘terror face’. I liked it less than that French climber with a name like a chocolate.

Dan leading through the last hard moves on the top pitch

The next day didn’t go to plan. It was going to be necessary to walk back to the ferry and change the time to the following day. Varian was too nice to ask to do this duty, Adam too lazy, Ray too old and Ben just too simple to be trusted with the task, DMM gave him some ’work’ as part of a community responsibility scheme. No it was going to be down to me. It would have been good to have some of my weak minded friends there I could have manipulated into the errand, Ryan, Hazel or Calum would have done nicely.
After returning from the ferry landing we piled up to the cliff, I abseiled in the wrong spot, the ropes snagged and feeling toasted I ‘lost it’ on the top and threw the ropes off cursing loudly down towards the loch. I cooled off and went and retrieved the ropes knowing the route was no place for a hot head. Finding the correct abseil spot I checked the steeper section and the pro post runout.
Walking back down with the route chalked it did look spectacular, the ‘shining mountain’. I was still unhappy with a few things about the climb, not least of which was that a 30 metre fall onto hooks might leave you looking like a distant cousin of the chap out of Hellraiser. Varian had kept busy soloing some new routes nearby very patiently. Ben and Adam had done a load of new routes the last 2 days and I’d effectively done 1 and a half pitches and some abseiling, it was bloody terrible.
Arriving back at the campsite the best bit of this day was Dan doing a brilliant new highball (which Ben and Adam had spent a good amount of the day trying). We left paradise the next morning.
The next 2 days passed far too quickly, an afternoon on Supercharger at Neist point, some drinks in the Slig, an explore for some boulders on Raasay and Friday morning arrived. The forecast was wrong, it rained and had some more possible in the updated forecast. Ben and Adam weren’t impressed and set off south to Glen Coe. We optimistically got the ferry in and the weather improved until we arrived at the base of the cliff where it pissed down for 20 minutes. When it stopped I abbed back down to the steep moves above the runout, dried some holds and cleaned a line of sidepulls which would breach the last blank section to easier ground and the top. Jugging back out I was optimistic but then it started to piss down again. Hiding beneath the overhang at the base waiting for the rain to stop felt rather draining.
The first 2 pitches are steep enough not to get wet and when the rain stopped Varian made short work of them, linking them together. I arrived at the belay and organised the gear which was mainly hooks and a few other bits of gear, it felt heavy and I was pretty sure I’d never carried more shit kit.
With the knowledge of what to expect I arrived at the skyhook shelf quickly and made a swathe of hooks, extended with slings. After 10-15 minutes to make sure the weather was holding and to amp up I left the ledge with boiling blood and proceeded to the previous highpoint, beyond which it’s worth turning your brain off for a reasonable distance of climbing. A frantic wire placement requires a lot of care to ensure it doesn’t flick out with drag, a wild layback to leave this led to bold moves up right to a hands off ledge but a still committing jump for jugs with a cam 4 on hand ready to chuck in. Although unlikely I’d thought it possible to end up on the deck from the last move of the pitch, having never trusted microcams.
After securing myself to the belay I felt like I’d used most chemicals in my body to reach that place and felt a very strong desire for some bad things. Looking down the face when chalked it appeared stunning, a crescent line of holds arcing down to the ‘skyhook ledge’ where the main mind play began. (2 weeks later walking out into the daylight from the Llanberis ‘rave cave’ with the few survivors had felt a similar experience, I think Alex Mason was the only person I remember assaulting. Big shout out to the burning hand and crew for setting it up, they deserve an MBE).
Dan came up and after a brief rest led through the last difficult moves to the central groove above leading to the top. Walking off we got supplied with the view of the new route which picked the easiest line up the main prow of the buttress. Three stunning pitches.
I felt blown for a good week afterwards, properly blown.
We hiked out to the campsite as darkness arrived had some amazing tasting grub and passed out soon after some wine. Dan had come up with the name at some point that evening with both of our trips having an extraordinary moon glow as well as the name referring to his favourite film. My only offerings weren’t too inspired with ‘Rab sucks’ for laying me off their team (I didn’t think Rab himself would appreciate it), The future is in the balance was another possible option but I’ve had enough of politics in the last year.
The morning after we headed back to the mainland, Dan drove us to Carlisle where me and Ray hopped into my car and enjoyed a few hours of the best 90s trance, as we arrived in Llanberis and Ray departed Zombie Nation was appropriately playing.
I was bolloxed enough when we were on the route to not really know how hard it was and we’d only abseiled down 20 metres or so on the top face so it might not be that bad but I felt it was one of the 2 most serious pitches I’d led. There was a mistake in a recent magazine saying it’s the hardest mutli-pitch in the UK which is both wrong and laughable but I think it could be a contender for the most serious. See what you think. Good one Dan and Ray.

Head to head on the finishes

I often tell people I think the climbing and ‘scene’ in North Wales is a contender for the best in the world. A recent day which involved shuffling a few centimetres higher on a sport redpoint, soloing some easy mountain routes and watching friends going for it and succeeding in their endeavours encompassed much of why I give Wales a big seal of approval.
Dream of White Horses, Cenotaph Corner, Hope, Flying Buttress, Great Wall, Main Wall, Christmas Curry, Positron, Comes the Dervish, Right Wall, Vector, Path to Rome, Statement of youth are all route names that will resonate with climbers, the list of classics is near endless.
I’d made plans on this particular day to climb at LPT with Dan Mcmanus. The forecast was due to be poor until 8.00am before becoming good. I’d predicted that Dan would look out of his window which overlooks the Orme towards the end of the bad weather and cancel. At 8.00am Dan messaged to cancel proving my guess correct. Whilst on a big wall trip Dan will happily live on his own dandruff and wait out bad weather sleeping in a waterfall for a week but back in blighty he might crumble at the first whiff of a cloud. After an hour or 2 of calls and counselling I picked him up and we headed down. It was as good as summer conditions get, dry with a costant breeze.
After putting the clips in his project, Youthanasia, Dan did it first attempt making it look very easy, shaking out on most moves and obviously in good shape for his trip to Ratikon. Nick Moulden did a climb on the left and it looked like it was a ‘low gravity’ day on LPT. Having strained my elbow on an undercling on Sea of Tranquility earlier in the year a high step had proved elusive. I arrived there feeling good and getting past the elusive move got very excited, taking time to set my feet in the final positions I began to get set up for the last move before everything caved in and I was spat out into my usual air haunt. I was still pretty happy though and reminded myself that once this one was completed I’d have to attach a mobile at the belay of the last one ready to message Oli Grounsel immediately upon success.
Leaving LPT I headed back for a brew, the day was cloudless and with friends in the Pass I drove round to see what was going on. The conditions were incredible, that golden light with a soft breeze.
I headed up to Dinas Mot and did Diagonal and Superdirect rapidly, feeling I was moving as well as I ever had where you hardly need to stop before going into the next move(doing Gogarth in sub 9 minutes a few days later felt similar). I think Diagonal might even have been the 1st route I did in the Pass with Wez and Adam Wilde sometime in the 90s.

Aiming for the 3/4 ledge

Looking up at the Cromlech there was a climber in a white helmet setting off on Right Wall. Kate Keltie had been talking about it and as I made my way up it became apparent it was her.
On arrival at the base there was a bit of a party vibe; Gus, Duncan, Fatboy, Sophie, some Spanish climbers…..but as my eyes rose and I got a terrible surprise. Jesus.
Howard Lawledge was 8 metres up Lord of the Flies!
I yelled to his partner:
“Sophie, tell him to get down, it gets serious above”
I’d once watched Howard make a terrifying ascent of Minotaur in Huntsmans Leap involving all kinds of crazy disco legs,whole body quivers, gear dropping out, slapping. It hadn’t looked hopeful for him at all.
At least there were 2 doctors on hand this time and Gus could probably catch him from 20 metres without straining.
After shouting encouragement I went up Ivy Sepulchre and round to the top of Left Wall to get pics and become a voyeur.
The Cromlech itself can seem quite intimidating, being exposed and high in the Pass. Right Wall and Lord of the Flies are both big leads giving runout climbing where a fall in certain sections would be highly unadvisable, courtesy of Pete Livesey and Ron Fawcett. Some of the biggest falls I’ve seen have been off Right Wall.
My friend Adam Hocking had been a bit phased by it when younger but found it easy when he did it, which is no surprise as he was onsighting 8a/+ at the time. He helped talk a chap into trying it who had only led E3 previously. He put in a valiant fight. I was on True Grip opposite when he reached the good holds above the port hole. He was too pumped to hold on to them. As he parted company with the rock he let out a scream and I locked up on the holds I was on and gazed across terrified. The scream continued and he curled into the foetal position, some of his gear banged against the rock, unclipped from the rope and flew out towards the scree below. It looked like he wasn’t going to stop but thankfully he did. Lord of the Flies has also seen some big ones off the top. The footage of Big Ron on it is well worth a watch.
Back on the routes Howard was looking very solid and it looked like the gear he placed was staying in. Kate was also looking well solid. I’d climbed with Kate recently and knew she was a great climber having a deliberate style well suited for trad but she’d mentioned she hadn’t onsighted E5 and I thought Right Wall a reasonably big lead for a first.
They both arrived at the ¾ ledge at the same time. Kate moved up towards the port hole which to reach and get passed many people find the crux. Reversing down a move or 2 but not bothering to step onto the ledge for a rest she committed above once more and reached the port hole. As an observer at this point and having witnessed the consequences of people ‘letting go’ made the tension feel palpable, staying focused for a few more moves the good holds leading rightwards were reached convincingly.

Almost finishing the runout on Right wall

Turning my attention back to Howard I was impressed how strong he looked on the moves as I’d generally identified him as a similar morph to the chap off the Mister Muscle adverts. Half a move below some jugs and bomber kit he locked off some crap holds and wasted time putting in some rubbish gear, much to my amusement, if he’d been struggling I would have said something…maybe. He was cruising though.
It looked as if both Kate and Howard topped out at the exact same time, in sync. I went and offered some peppermint tea to go with the bilberries on top. North Wales and the Pass had given great times again. I had to shoot off to prep for work the following day but the others finished with a pint in the Vaynol before their journeys home. Reality kicked back in but the memory never fades...apart from Ry Pasquils, his is mush.

It did feel good, a very potent form of escapism, totally absorbing and for my younger self an addiction. Something which lots of people tell you is a bad idea but you do anyway. I remember the first day I started in 1996. Sat at lower falcon it had become evident my climbing partner Adam Hocking was unlikely to arrive. Feeling pretty frustrated I set off up a VS called Spin Up, it felt wrong from ten metres height and my instincts told me not to carry on like people trying their first cigarette. I slowly made progress to the top and once there my 15 year old self felt quite elated at having stopped my instincts from backing off low down. I walked back to the base and looked at a HVS further right called Funeral Way, my memory of this is vague and I’m pretty sure I backed off that day and did it at a later date.
From that day a totally different realm of rock climbing opened up, without the ropes, the need to stop and place pro or of belaying a partner you could do a ton of routes so fast. When I hit 17 it had become integral with most of my climbing done alone. I remember Prana and Bitter Oasis being a big deal the first time I soloed them which makes sense as I wasn’t leading that much harder, eventually they were just part of bigger days out. Many routes in the Lakes I’d look at and wonder how it would feel to do them without a rope and more often than not I would find out. It became a habit and I saw it as an extension of scrambling. I did a lot of routes in the Lakes, down Borrowdale, on Pavey, Dow, Scafell, Hodge Close and down in Wales in the Pass, at Gogarth, Slate, Tremadog, Ogwen, Carneddau, Pembroke and elsewhere. Never too hard generally but quite extensive, in the several 1000 route mark, often onsight or routes I'd not done for a few years unless they were on a regular circuit.

The Niche on Falcon

I remember the feeling of euphoria of going near the edge soloing contrasting sharply with going to school a few years before when I dreaded going in. From wearing old clothes I’d acquired the name ‘Tramp’ which at various times (over many years) became a group chant; Tramp,tramp, tramp. Combined with being brought up a Jehovahs witness made Christmas time quite special and even a quarter of a century later when someone asks if I’m psyched for Christmas my eyes glaze over and I think about where I’d like Santa and Christ to go.
On moving to Wales I remember a few times that first summer; spinning around on the top shelf of Lubyanka to look outwards, going for a swim beneath Main cliff after a few routes like Big Groove and Assassin in March, crawling through the hole on the top pitch of Ducking Stool and Ray Kay talking me out of Heart of Gold at a party. It had even helped me escape from an argument with an ex after a car chase.
It’s a habit I got out of and in fact would more say lost for a good few years partly due to choking. This apparently can only happen to an expert and is where in extremely stressful situations the expert loses their head and becomes literally a complete beginner! Its one of those things you don't really believe in (like chronique fatigue/lazyitis) until it happens to you. I won’t linger on the details although it is worth a read in Matthew Syeds excellent book Bounce. Choking in a sport competitions is humiliating but think about choking when soloing. For a few years it felt like a piece of me was missing, imagine the strongest bit of your climbing just disappearing, almost completely. It led to some farcical and dangerous moments when I decided to rid myself of the block to regain access to this Elixir.

When I set off to do the 100 in the Lakes it was still a big unknown wether it would end on the first route or thankfully as my friend Hazel would put it I’d get into the flow state which is what I was hoping for. The day after I was sat in the bath at mums flat having a bottle of wine, soaking in the fatigue and thinking about how much my poor mum had had to put up with over the years.
Although kicked into touch as a regular habit the ability to cover a lot of moderate climbing fast is still there and once in a while there would be an urge to do so. Unless you are a very fortunate person life will have its periods of feeling rather flat and feckless and if you go out and do 30+ routes you know the feeling will evaporate with any worries just falling away.
The last 2 years I had in mind a list of 100 Welsh routes to do but having left it too late in the season both years had settled on doing 60 of the best in September. This would still have given a very good day, giving homage to many Joe Brown with routes like Vector, Vember, Cenotaph, Cemetary Gates and I figured I could do it with plenty of energy still in the tank. I did the odd timing out of curiosity to give an idea of how long some sections might take. Gogarth was under 9 minutes, Pull my daisy, 2.45, Dervish 4 and thought I could rattle through a lot of it fairly quickly believing I was 17 again.
The enchainment of routes in the mountains felt like my main forte and if you really want to do something you can find reasons to justify it. Taking something that you feel good at as far as you can, which you find tricky to envisage and pays homage to an area and some of its pioneers. A channel of energy.

Nigel ‘Yorky’ Robinson was a friend of the family and a regular climbing partner of dads. One of those rare super nice guys on every level, driving goods he’d collected out to orphanages in Kosovo over many years. We had a day out one Friday in the summer going to Malham as the weather was duff but the original plan had been for him to join me in the Lakes as I got my head into gear for the welsh one, doing a 30 route day, when he said he was keen to come and hangout I was a bit incredulous. He met with the rest of my family for lunch at Shepherds café later that wknd.
A few weeks later I’d just had 3 days climbing in Pembroke with Emma Twyford, a climbing partner of mine now for 20 years. In fact I first climbed with Emma when she was 12 and she said she was keen to try an E1, I pointed her at the Grasp she took 2 lobs totally unafraid then did it!
It had been a cracking weekend, Preposterous Tales and Stargate when piss wet on the 1st afternoon, Pleasure dome, mutiny on the bounty, big issue and a good piss up with friends on day 2 then Emma kindly took me up Barbarella and Headhunter before a good tide let us finish on Woeful on the last day. We finished with Fish and Chips in Aberaeron on the way back.
I was starting an ML assessment the morning after when Eve Lancashire delivered the news that Yorky was dead. He’d been found in Donegal with boots and chalkbag on. He’d been so proud to go to his sons’ wedding 2 weeks before in Berlin.
The weather was appropriately shit on the ML to go with the news and it gave me some time to reflect on how nice a guy he was. When dad was on his last legs Yorky would travel up from Nottingham to the Lakes and take him out to crags and after dad passed away he would always email me and stay in touch with mum.
At his funeral there was his wife Pat who is a stand up comedian and although we’d never met she took the time to grab me for a chat about Yorky. I also spoke with his son Tom who runs a Theory and Bio-Systems lab in Potsdam.

Dad and Yorky at Shepherds cafe

There is not much you can say when one of the really good and kind people of the world leaves it. I’m glad it was quick, I’m glad it was doing something he loved but bloody hell I wish he was still around and can’t imagine the loss of such a character to the people who were really close to him.
The best days I’ve had over the years haven’t been on my own, they’ve been the days doing a couple of routes with a good friend and having that shared experience. The wknd in Pembroke with Emma and having a brew on the top of Carn Gowla with my favourite doctor after climbing Guernica and going too direct on America were the best times climbing this year. It would be great to be climbing with Emma in another 20 years.

Emma on preposterous Tales

Kate on Guernica

   Back in the day they were taught never to fall off as the gear was awful and the consequences of failure often serious. Joe Brown once told me he never used to do a move he didn’t think he could down climb, worth thinking about that on some of his routes. In the 1970s and early 80s a lot more people soloed in the mountains quite possibly because it was still an era of routes being dangerous anyway and if your friends are doing something you are more likely to try it. Some people did get killed with Jimmy Jewel, Paul Williams and Derek Hersey being some of the first to spring to mind and with Cliff Phillips heinous falls off the Mot and tremadog leaving some doubt as to wether it’s just his ghost which is still amongst us. Ryan was close to death when he fell off whilst ‘tandem’ soloing Weaver, thankfully Pete was beneath him feeling like superman and managed to grab him, god knows how.
Some of the biggest mountain solo days in the UK would have been Jimmy Jewels impressive outings on Cloggy and the film Total Control shows him floating up Left Wall, T-rex, Grasper and Silly Arete. He was obviously a great soloist but he still died doing it. The Big Jim is a huge meal you can order in Petes Eats and is named after him, apparently having a strong brummy accent he asked for a full welsh breakfast and they mistook it for four breakfasts which he polished off anyway.
   I’m not going to tell you not to solo but would hate to think of some youths thinking it’s a cool thing to do when it’s the opposite. You might like to think you are the next A-hon or Catherine Destivelle and the odd easy solo like the odd fag is unlikely to kill you but the more you do the more the evidence starts to tally up against you. It might be a crimp or flake loosened from a winter, a bit of hidden dampness, rain, a palsy or lack of concentration at the wrong moment.
If you decide to give it a go then I’d tread fucking carefully as there are plenty of things to look forward to in life and it’s likely you’ll be missed even if you are a dickhead.
Choose life.
Go dancing

It was impressive. Emma walking up Mind Control with plenty in the bank, Josh and Jack Ibbertson showing that the future of UK sports climbing looked bright, Hock still able to do a 1 armer on an edge with his dadbod.
Yeah the Ibbertsons were the coolest family I've met I reckon. The only downside to the trip had been Angus’ morning routine of doing topless yoga in the living room in his skimpy leggings.
I looked back on 2 weeks in Oliana:

Emma getting high on Mind Control

   After picking the hire car up from Barcelona airport I went and grabbed my old friend Adam Hocking who’d arrived an hour behind. In 1994 Hock had won the Juniour BICCs and could do 2 little finger 1 armers without warming up, still strong he now had 2 kids and a dadbod.
We put the trance on and took off to an apartment in Organya where Emma Twyford, Angus Kille and Rhos (with an unspellable surname) were already ensconced. Rhos was the only person I didn’t know and it became apparent she had a humour dryer than the Sahara.
   The first climbing day we immediately set about looking at projects and I settled on Fish Eye, with form in the past to have had a good go at doing it in a session this was my goal for the whole trip and I have to say I’ve not been on a sport route as good for many years. The routes that go to the top of the main face of Oliana are around 50 metres long and on the main face the easiest of them are 8a+.
   A couple of days later both Emma and Angus were lobbing off near the top of Mind Control. It was obviously going to be doable after a rest day. On the rest day we all took a spin up to Coll de Nargo and Hock impressed everyone by still being able to do a 1 armer on an edge and holding a front leaver off an edge for 10 seconds even with his dadbod!
   I was nominated to share a room with Hock. He had his laptop on until 3 am watching movies before turning it off and immediately starting a low rhythm of snoring. This helped give me stimulus for keeping the world up to date with the ‘cragdads’ progress and coaching tips during the week.

Cragdad and ex BICC champ eyeing Dura Dura up after mentioning Oliana as having no hard moves

Big Friday arrived with great expectations but also with heavy rain. Angus was distraught and threatened to not even come to the cliff. Being a young and sensitive soul he’d done well to cope thus far with some members of the team giving Angus some soul searching questions.
After a quick warm up Emma gave me the first punt. Spooning through the mid crux I arrived pumped as sin halfway up the cliff and by a miracle made it to 47 metres before gravity caught up and ejected me off the rock with my fingers unable to hang the finishing holds.
Emma was next up and climbing slowly and steadily absolutely waltzed up Mind Control. I was made up to see her hit such good form and I hoped the dick weasels at Rab who were extremely rude to Emma before she left regretted their decision.
   Angus was up next and this was his last day of the trip. The days prior to this it had been pretty obvious the route had taken over his brain. Visualisation, rehearsals, watching loads of videos of the route, talking and demonstrating to the household. This was it, the 8 mile, the 1 moment, his moment.
   He gave it a go in the sun, when hot. Obviously energy sapping he still almost managed it getting a move or 2 away. On his 2nd go he got closer still and on his 3rd he got high again before admitting being tired. After 2 rest days I knew he’d walk up it but sadly it was the end of Angus’ trip. On this same day Rhos walked up Mon Dieu (it was obvious she could knock out a lot harder) and Hock who had had a few beers the night before and a dodgy shoulder tried to warm up on Fish Eye getting quite high, perhaps trying to impress Edu marin or Patxi, also at the cliff.
   We went out and celebrated that night for what had been possibly the most entertaining days sport climbing I’d seen. The following day we lost Hock and Angus but gained the Canadian contingent of Bron and Jacob who I’d last seen bundled under a pile of bags in the back of our hirecar on the way from Yosemite to San Fran 4 years prior. Without Hock the dormitory room seemed dark, quiet and good for sleeping.

13 year old Josh Ibbertson through the hardest cruxes on Fish Eye

After a couple of rest days I topped out on Fish Eye and sighed with relief as Hazel had been counting how long it was taking me on an abacus made by Pete Robins. I’d retorted that her sporting pinnacle was just what I was doing while thoroughly out of shape.
Later that day I was glad to witness a great feat of climbing. From what I remember I was stood near Hazel who was belaying her partner Jonny Baker. As soon as he was out of earshot Hazel had brazenly started to chat me up. I presume she’d finally clocked that he was ginger. Hazel climbed her project Gorilas en la niebla around this time as well, after a few years of effort and a lattice regime.
Staring up at the lead crux on Fish Eye I watched Josh Ibbertson fight his way through it using some appalling holds. Hitting the shit shakeout above (8b+ to there and 7c to the top) he didn’t look tired and a small crowd watched in awe as he climbed up and fluffed the last hard move, more of a slip than from fatigue. He didn’t seem too arsed about lobbing so near the end.
When on the ground I asked the 13 year old if it would be his first 8c. He replied that he’d done 3 that trip and was aiming to do 100 grade 8s sport before hitting the age of 14 in May. Watching his younger brother Jack onsighting a 7c+ and having a good go at the 8a+ extension was also bloody impressive as he’s tiny. Later that evening we took the Ibbertsons back to the apartment and dosed them with 90s trance and other shit music.

The coolest family I know, Jenny, Josh, James and Jack. Watch this space

James and Jenny Ibbertson are their parents who are also great climbers, teach D&T, Geography and Psychology and are having a sabbatical for the year. They are keen to keep the youths away from social media and the often unhealthy elements it can entail. I was impressed with the Ibbertsons for not only being probably the strongest climbing family from the UK but for having an extraordinary attitude.
Having a good scene out there has made me committed to head out to that area for 2/3 months next winter. Having been inspired by my young friends I also swear that I’ll try to be on form where Hazel says “oh, you’ve done that already” rather than “have you not done it yet”!

It was long and hard. We’d spent 2 days working on it and had made little impression. Being the last one I knew I wouldn’t sleep well without finishing it off. I cheated and googled it. Foretell was the crossword clue, 13 letters long.
Prognosticate.
An apt word. When we were all stood at the base of Dyers Lookout on the 1st day I had prognosticated to Ryan that no Lancastrian would ever scale the heights of it (Vickers not inc).

Prognosticating at the base with the team

It was one of the more lethargic starts to a trip that we’ve had.
On the first day I set off up Earthsea Trilogy, an E6 on the right and on getting halfway it finally dawned on me that the crack with the pegs in was missing along with a big part of the cliff. Emma and Maddy checked out Once Upon a Time in the South West before the sun stopped play at 16.00.
On the Sunday OUAT has a queue on it. Emma and Maddy work out where it goes and some of the gear and I send Ryan up for the big flash effort. He looked solid for a while but it became apparent that it wasn’t piss and he started flapping a bit, it didn’t look good. Placing some microcams off a full Pasquil lock he came back down.
The next day I’m up and getting to a similar point as Ryan start to flap as well, I had my fingers in a slot which would have taken a good small cam but after some panicked efforts to replace my fingers with a cam I parted company with no success and Fred Halls warning of not relying on what I was about to lob onto.
Our highpoint on our flash effort seemed pretty low to me (it was) so I gave up and abbed down Walk of life. I was glad I didn’t try this one ground up as I don’t think I would have gotten anywhere but was confident Ryan would get through the start with a bit of beta, I’d get him beers for a week if he got through the upper bit onsight though.
Me and Emma took a rest day on Tuesday and Maddy went and dutifully belayed Ryan on his ground up effort, getting to the base of the crux.
Wednesday arrived and having done jack shit our departure day felt like it was looming. After abseiling Walk of Life again I was made up not to fluff the upper cruxes and had to shake my feet out loads from the 30 meter mark. What a pitch.

Emma on Once upon a time in the south west

Emma was up next and with all the microcams, RPS and sliders she had to carry for a 50 meter E9 she looked like a Christmas tree. She seemed nervous on the loose but piss start and I was worried she had no hope but as soon as she hit the hard climbing she proceeded to ‘walk’ up all the main difficulties. Having climbed with Emma since she was 12 years old, belayed her on her 1st E1 and had several epics together over the years it was great to see her make an E9 look easy. I took a look at the route afterwards and was blown away by the quality of the rock and climbing, the quite cheesy video of hazel on it made it look a bit naff but it was the opposite. I think it might be better than the one to the right.
We celebrated a bit that night. Emma, Maddy and Ryan are dead nice so it was great having Ray on the trip for a good slagging session. Ray got it started about someones Instagram account doing his head in but very soon I was laying into everyone. People in North Wales, Sheffield, Chamonix….if you are reading this I was probably talking about you at some point. Admittedly Bransby took more flack than anyone else having bailed on the trip last minute. If he wasn’t careful he risked no longer being my perfect partner, after all, Ryan, Emma and Dan were all in tears that it was him rather than them.
He is replaceable. I was confident no one had ever had reason to slag me off because my friend Pete Robins had told me recently that I was a person with NO faults.

Maddy nearing the end of the crux sequence

The following day was to be our last at Dyers Lookout much to Rays disappointment. Ryan had gotten through the crux moves after 1 rest on gear but was too rinsed to try again. I put this down to having lain in the sun for hours each day with no suncream on. He thinks because you can’t see the UV it can’t do you any harm.
Maddy gave me dibs for a go on OUAT and after abbing to check the 2 crux moves and gear I gave it a pop. Where Walk of Life had been a slick operation this route did have a particular ‘shitfest’ moment of terror.
I’d had to climb quite quickly to the rest above the 2 cruxes as my feet were pretty baked. The runnel I’d been up once the day before and dismissed as steady was about to come back and haunt me at the most runout point, having latched a good quartz hold I was dismayed to be getting really pumped on it. Rocking left I eventually lifted my right foot onto the quartz but a fall was feeling probable. After a few more moments of feeling I was coming off backwards and upside down a long way lady luck stepped in (I kind of doubt it was karma) and I got my arse over the foothold and eventually the top.
Maddy was up next, having not been put off by my shit show. She’d impressed me a lot last year onsighting loads of hard routes in Pembroke day in and day out, pulling ryan after her. After one false start Maddy made a very smooth lead and it was no surprise to learn she was an excellent dancer. I very much doubt that she would be able to teach Ryan anything about dancing having seen his moves at the works after party….it was a beautiful thing.
We celebrated that night, myself and Ryan being the DJs. Ryan really had learned a lot this trip. He'd learned I was a bit of a bastard and that if he'd got his hands dirty and abbed the routes he would have found them piss. I had let him down on this trip but I was very impressed by his efforts on OUAT.
The morning after we bid Ryan and Maddy farewell , they were off to do a route called Booby Prize. I once again told Ryan no Lancastrian would ever reach the top of it.
I dropped Ray off at the train station in Bristol and set off towards Pembroke. It had been slow on the M5, a 2nd and 3rd gear job but the M4 made that seem fast being a 1st gear job for much of the way. I got a message to say Ryan had in fact got up Booby Prize, even though it was raining and in piss poor condition!
I regard Pembroke as the best sea cliff climbing venue in the UK and perhaps the world for single pitch routes. There is a ludicrous amount and variety of climbs in a great setting.

Me and Emma went to the Range West briefing and headed into Mount Sion East. My memory of it didn’t disappoint, there must be at least a dozen brilliant looking new routes around the E5-8 ,mark left to do on the cliff. A roof crack 7 meters right of Littlejohns ‘Come all ye faithful supplied a fight and new route ‘The Royal Westing’. I had a swim at Broadhaven and after an excellend talk Emma gave at the Pembroke Festival of climbing I finished my evening at St Govans Inn with Paul Donnithorne and some whisky.
I felt pretty rough the next day but I could prognosticate that if I made it to the Royal Westing it could be much worse.

The Royal Westing, Mount Sion East.

So it is
70 metres long, with a tough and intimidating first half and at around 35-40 metres you’ve got ten metres of arete climbing with a lot of moves around 6b/c which are on the wilder side with a drop zone Ricky had mentioned could be down much of the Rathlin wall. It made it even better that it was Rickys route, someone who has blown me away with his terrifying and novel looking new routes in great settings all over the place.
I’d clocked it was going to be a sandbag and on arriving at the base and looking up at it I immediately gave up on trying it without an inspection. If Ryan had been there I would have sent him up for a laugh to check out the flight paths and test some gear. My first lead effort felt a real calamity.

Looking out to Rathlin island from Seabhac

I’d been to Fairhead for a week in 2010, 2011 and a day with Swaily in 2014. It’s one hell of a cliff, certainly a contender for the best of its type. John Orr has always organised the trips. The 2010 one had shit weather but we still did loads as it dries so quick, I remember having about three 3 hour belay stints on a hanging belay with a northerly wind and losing cards for washing up the pan a load of us had cooked sausages in, I got hot aches. Chris Guest and Luke Brooks made up the rest of the team and Sean the farmer took pity on us all being the only ones camping in his field and brought us some beers. The 2011 trip was the windiest conditions I’ve ever climbed in but again was a great week with one of the highlights watching Ian Small onsight an E7 called Styx having had to sit out the rain for ages and let it dry when he was on a shelf halfway up. The one day with Swaily he managed an impressive piss hanging on the end of the traverse on the E6 Above and Beyond before continuing up the headwall, the first time I’ve seen that kind of thing managed.
This trip had once again been sorted by John Orr and with Tim Neill in tow we headed out for the Fairhead meet which must have had 250-300 climbers in the field. The great Calvin Torrance was there new routing and offering advice and calum gave a great talk with the best climbing footage I’ve ever seen of him truly scraping up Kaluza Klein-unbelievable.
We all had particular objectives this trip unlike the previous visits. John wanted to do The Complete Scream, Tim was keen for Hells Kitchen arete and I was on to try Rathlin effect.
The first day we arrived we all went abseiling, John to clean Seabhac, Tim HK arete and me a possible new route which unfortunately wasn’t going anywhere.

Intimidating abseil

One thing I don’t like about hard routes is that you can’t do as much climbing as normal but on the bright side if you make it up them it does feel good and even trying them is kind of good fun (type 2 perhaps). Abseiling down Rathlin effect for the first time felt fairly epic, having to climb sideways for several metres at one point before getting scared and pumped trying to get a runner in whilst looking at the edge on the roof your rope will be see sawing across should you fail. After abbing it twice I was bolloxed and needed a rest day.
A day eventually arrived when I could try it. I’d had 2 brand new 70 metre ropes sterling had given me stashed in a cave and when I got ten metres up John said one was cored. I couldn’t believe it and was convinced a rat had been at it. After sorting a new rope strategy I set off on my calamitous go. To get to the nest of gear at 20 metres is the easy part of the route that I thought to be E6/7 and the traverse left from here is what I wasn’t looking forward to having some of the hardest moves on the route and a reasonable runout. I was chuffed to get through the traverse to a jug at the lip and ok-ish cam right on the lip of the roof. When Ricky did it he missed out this cam which would mean facing a real pearler of a lob. From here a lunge left leads to a wild layback and the main rest on the route.
Feeling pretty confident I set up for the lunge and realising I wasn’t getting anywhere near the distance required I knew I was in trouble. The move off an ab rope feels very different after 30 metres of climbing. Ricky was there to egg me on but after 10 minutes of trying to rest in a shit position with intermittent chucks for the arete and lots of swearing I was totally cooked and gutted I had to do the intimidating traverse again. After abbing back down to reassess that move me and John did Seabhac which gave me my first pitch of climbing at Fairhead on this trip on day 5!
The next day whilst I was having a properly chummy rest day in Ballycastle Tim was at the other end of the spectrum laying the demons (put there by a Cumbrian) to rest by climbing Hells Kitchen arete. During the Fairhead meet a climber had taken a huge fall off Hells Kitchen itself, falling 20 metres onto his belayer then another 20+ metres to near the ground. After being airlifted off they were fortunate to be out of hospital a few days later.

Starting out on one of Rickys masterpieces

Liz & Leon on the corner of Equinox

The 2nd to last day I was keen to give Rathlin Effect one more go, after warming up on the top half on my grigri things didn’t look optimistic with crampy lats from the calamitous go. Ricky and John gave me a pep talk and this time the new sequence worked for the lunge and after a good breather at the resting foothold the next half of the route still felt a fight all the way. Rick was at the top when I arrived to offer congrats amongst other needs. I told him the truth, that it was the best and the wildest pitch I’d ever climbed. Abseiling down the other side of the arete to get down I gave another of his routes a cursory glance, the Big Skin and I can confirm that this also looks like a sandbag at the grade.
Kris Mcoey and Tim had managed a new route, Blackout which Kris had knocked himself out whilst cleaning on a prior trip. We celebrated that night in Johns yellow trafic van, John, Tim, Kris, Liz, Leon, Heather, Aggie, Kelly +. There really were some great tunes being played.
The last day was Johns day. The Complete Scream, I remember him eyeing it up in 2010 on our first visit. I abbed into the belay first and on arriving there was chuffed to be getting 4G. I started streaming James Williams’ set from the Youtopia party straight away. Once John arrived at the belay I knocked it off to let him find his ‘zen’.
As he set off with his hooks and gaffer tape I prayed that he wouldn’t be coming back down to land on me like the poor lad belaying on Hells Kitchen a few days previously.

John Orr on The Complete Scream. So it is

He romped steadily through the crux and after a brief word with himself mid crux he gained the better gear and I knew what he was thinking, his catchphrase…’so it is’.
We finished on the amazing corner of Conchubair before guinesses on the ferry back to Holyhead. We all promised to be at the Fairhead meet again next year.
Good skills John, Tim, Kris and the Fairhead party crew. But also bloody great sandbagging Ricky.

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